IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include examples

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A considerable number of individuals believe that marketing compels us to purchase new
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 that we truly do not require and others opine that, advertisements provide information about new goods that can be more useful for our daily lives.
According to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 me, commercials are more useful for businesses and companies, from the perspective of selling but as buyers they make us buy unnecessary
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 that we already have
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
. The main benefits of the advertisement go to the businesses and the owners of the companies. It encourages people to buy the stuff that we already have but in smaller versions.
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, mobile phones. USA-based mobile phone Apple company launch a new iPhone every year with smaller changes. Folks eagerly waiting in lines to get a new iPhone. and these phones are more expensive and worth 1 month's salary.
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, social media is a great platform to advertise these goods like every Hollywood actor showcasing their new iPhone.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 inspires young ones to buy their new mobile just because they think if celebrities have it; they needed as well. Commercials for Ice cream and other things like video games are harmful to children but they launch these games in series. so' pupils think, they had an old series and they need a new one.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 Increases only our expenses and makes us lazy.
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, companies introduce new cleaning goods on a daily basis and with new inventions. We
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 waiting for advanced technology that helps us in our daily life like self-monitored cleaning tools. It cleans everything on the floor without our help.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 makes us lazy and unhealthy like tobacco and smoking stuffs. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 marketing new
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 every day with little innovations makes us buy everything in reality it uplifts our expenses only. Some
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are not good for our health. It is the audience's responsibility towards their health and their money. Governments should ban some advertisements that are not good for our new generations.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use topic sentences to improve clarity and focus.
task achievement
Aim for more balance by providing arguments and counterarguments with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The writer provides relevant examples, such as the case of mobile phones and cleaning products, to support their points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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