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Band 6.5

Topic:Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of 65 can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

#topic #life #improvements #health #people #age #lives #society #benefit #contribution
It is true that in our contemporary era, elderly
people
's health has dramatically improved
due to
 advancements in modern medicine.
For
this
 reason, many
people
 argue that
people
 over the age of 65 can lead vibrant and active lives .
Therefore
,
people
 believe that senior members of our
society
 can contribute significantly .
This
 essay will explore how old
people
 can be beneficial and provide relevant explanations.
To begin
 with , the elderly can benefit their family. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they can support and sustain them in complex situations.
For instance
 , when conflicts arise , they can relatively easily assemble them into one place explain that family is valuable and give vital advice. Despite these , In some circumstances ,
such
 kind of method is less likely to be helpful as there are situations which can not be resolved .
Furthermore
 , If they interfere in their child's life , they can become even a burden . Another benefit of the older generation to our
society
 is their contribution to the country's economy.
People
 over the age of 60 tend to work and do not have a desire to resign.
For example
, in their workplace, they can teach our subsequent generation how to do their jobs more efficiently and explain what might happen for bribes and the consequences of their every action.
However
 , in some countries , these kinds of things did not prevent bribery and led to poverty.
Finally
 ,
society
 can receive constructive advice from their ancestors. For the reason that they are knowledgeable and have already experienced obstacles when they were young.
This
 knowledge can help the young generation to not repeat mistakes and
subsequently
 , they can learn how to address them if it is indeed. It can
therefore
 be concluded that the extended lifespan and improved health of older individuals can present numerous opportunities for them to continue making contributions by providing support and guidance , improving their country's economy and teaching how to address troubles. Doing so
society
 is unlikely to be adversely affected.
Submitted by ruznadir on

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task response
Be sure to directly address the prompt by discussing how society can benefit from older people's contributions. Make sure your examples and main points clearly relate back to this central question.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your essay's structure by using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that summarize the main idea. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, provide concrete instances where the contributions of the elderly have directly benefited society.
coherence and cohesion
Work on making your essay's flow smoother by linking ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Transitional phrases and summarizing sentences at the end of paragraphs can help create a more cohesive argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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