IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government should invest in education and health care. Governments should invest these funds in tourism. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #education #health #care #governments #funds #tourism
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Some people believe that
healthcare
 and education should be prioritized by the State when allocating funds,
while
 others argue that tourism is
also
 an important sector that deserves government investment. In my opinion, I partially agree with
this
 statement, as all sectors play a crucial role in a
country
's development.
To begin
 with, resources
such
 as education and
healthcare
 form the foundation of developed nations. A literate society significantly boosts the
country
's growth.
Moreover
, international students can contribute to economic development.
For instance
, countries like Canada and the United States charge significantly higher tuition fees for international students compared to domestic ones.
Therefore
, investing in universities and educational institutes can be financially beneficial for the State.
Similarly
,
healthcare
 is essential for strengthening the nation's economy. Well-equipped hospitals,
along with
 skilled medical professionals, are valuable assets to a
country
. People always seek the best
healthcare
, and a well-established
healthcare
 system can attract not only local residents but
also
 foreign patients seeking high-quality medical services.
On the other hand
, tourism has become a thriving industry in recent times. Many people enjoy spending their leisure time exploring new destinations, a trend that has grown with the rise of the Internet. The Internet provides access to information about beautiful destinations, sparking interest and increasing tourist arrivals.
For example
, the government of Bali invested a large amount of money to transform the city into a paradise, and
as a result
, millions of tourists visit Bali every year for vacations.
This
 has significantly strengthened the local economy. In conclusion,
while
healthcare
 and education are vital sectors that reflect the development of a
country
, tourism
also
 plays a pivotal role in boosting the nation's financial health. A balanced investment in all these sectors is essential for comprehensive national progress.
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Task Achievement
Ensure each main point is evenly developed. Some points in your essay could benefit from further elaboration to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Aim to provide a variety of examples and detailed explanations where relevant, to give more depth and clarity to your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas in a manner that clearly distinguishes contrasting viewpoints alongside supporting evidence to improve the logical flow.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the importance of healthcare, education, and tourism in national development.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topics to be discussed, and the conclusion summarizes the essay effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay uses specific examples, such as Canada and the United States' tuition fees and Bali's tourism investment, to illustrate key points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Investment: capital allocation towards a sector, often for development or improvement.
  • Long-term economic growth: sustainable increase in a country’s economic productivity over an extended period.
  • Knowledgeable workforce: employees who are well-educated and trained, capable of driving innovation.
  • Healthcare services: medical services, including prevention, treatment, and management of illnesses.
  • Economic sustainability: responsible management of resources to ensure long-term economic health.
  • Tourism: industry focusing on travel for leisure, which contributes to a nation's economic revenue.
  • External factors: variables outside of a country's control that can impact its economy or sectors.
  • Foundation: the base or groundwork upon which further development can be built.
  • Societal welfare: the well-being of a community in terms of health, education, and economic conditions.
  • Social equity: fairness and equality in access to opportunities and resources within a society.
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