Most people enjoy holidays and travel and tourism is a billion-dollar industry. All over the world people are traveling either for business or pleasure or both. People who can afford to or have free time go away frequently for short holidays or on weekends. Others who are working or studying try to take a holiday at least once a year, away from home and work or studies. What are the benefits of travel? Give good reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.

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Many citizens like to take trips making tourism one of the largest income industries. Surrounds any state

people

Use synonyms

travel

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both for business and leisure. There are two types of folks, frequent travellers who have time and rare travellers who are so busy that they just take that in long holidays. There are some

travel

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advantages

such

Linking Words

as productivity enhancement and the regeneration of new experiences.

Firstly

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, taking time to go somewhere can increase human productivity. Scientific research states if a human rests for

travel

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thus

Linking Words

their body produces a dopamine effect which can bring happiness to them. Some

people

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who do a routine job

such

Linking Words

as a corporate job become bored with their routine and

finally

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feel burnout since they need to

travel

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just to breathe freely.

This

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is proven by mental health enthusiasts, who state to uplift productivity humans must decrease their stress levels by balancing the chemical hormones inside the body.

Moreover

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, exploring new places can create new experiences

such

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as cultures and

people

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’s habits there.

For instance

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, many international tourists go to Bali, one of Indonesia's provinces, Bali is famous for its culture that become an attraction for many citizens. One of the cultures is the Menyama Braya concept,

this

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theory brings society to respect all racial diversity since many

people

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are so comfortable in Bali because of

this

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idea. In conclusion, both performance development and generating unforgettable moments are the convenient things that can obtained by travelling. Everyone should think about the benefit of taking time to rest likely taking a short journey with the

people

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they love to make life more meaningful.

Submitted by damayanti.nsd on Wed Apr 17 2024

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Structure

Work on developing a clearer structure within your paragraphs. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.

Details

Expand on your examples with more detailed explanation. While mentioning Bali and the concept of Menyama Braya is good, offering deeper insights or personal reflections could strengthen your argument.

Language

Try to vary your sentence structures and vocabulary. This not only makes your essay more interesting but also demonstrates a wider range of language skills.

Task Response

You have provided a clear opinion and supported it with relevant examples, which responds well to the task.

Structure

Your essay introduces and concludes with clear statements, showing an understanding of essay structure.

Content

Bringing in concepts like the dopamine effect and Menyama Braya shows an attempt to use specific information and examples, enriching your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Your opinion

Many animals are facing extinction in the wild. Why is this happening? What can be done to protect them?

People work because they need money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above opinion? What are some other reasons that people work?

Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Nowadays many people prefer to shop in supermarket rather than small shops or local markets? Is this positive or negative for development? Discuss and give your opinion.

Task 2 Many developed counties now have large numbers of people over the age 65 . What problems might this cause ? . How can the problems be solved