IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #participants #olympics #summarise #features #comparisons
the graph illustrates the
number
 of participants divided into
men
 and female in the Olympics,
while
 the line graph shows the proportion of participants from 1924 until 2012.
Overall
, at
Add an article
a glance
show examples
glance
Add a comma
glance,
show examples
men
was dominating
Wrong verb form
dominated
show examples
 the Olympics
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
, and the
number
 of
partcipants
Correct your spelling
participants
 still increased until the end of
Add an article
the
show examples
period. In detail, In 1924, it can be seen that there were 3000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 participating in
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 and there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
women
following
this
 event,
besides
 that, the
number
 of
men
 increased
around
Change preposition
to
show examples
 more than 4000 in 1952 and
women
was
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
increase
too
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 around under 1000.
In addition
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1984 until 2012 the proportion of
men
 and
women
 was
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
, for
men
 about more than 5000 and slowly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
almost
Change preposition
to almost
show examples
 6000 in 2012.
While for
Correct word choice
For
show examples
women
, it can be seen that in 1984 the
number
 of
women
 who
participating
Change the form of the verb
participate
show examples
Change preposition
in this
show examples
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 event
was
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
increase
Change preposition
by
show examples
around
Change preposition
by
show examples
 more than 1000 and dramatically increased in 2012
Change preposition
by
show examples
around
Change preposition
by
show examples
 over than two times almost
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 5000.
On the other hand
, the
number
 of participants who played in
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
 in 1924 around almost 4000, and slowly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 until 1984
about
Change preposition
to about
show examples
 6000 and quickly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in 2012 and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 more than 10000.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, men, women, increase with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 9 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: