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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages without these skills? And What actions should governments take?

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Modern technology has made it easier for everyone to attain basic skills and to have access to
education
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 despite
this
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, a large number of
people
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 are not reading and writing.In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the disadvantages related to
this
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 issue like increased
poverty
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 in families and a sense of social exclusion. The first and foremost disadvantage of not being able to read and write is
poverty
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 in
the
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apply
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families because These abilities are very important for getting a job in well well-reputed company.
while
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, without these aptitudes, it becomes harder to earn money for your family, to fulfil their needs
besides
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this
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, it leads toward social inequality, classifying you as lower class.
Secondly
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, the major problem is social exclusion, individuals do not consider themselves as a part of society .
whereas
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, they have an equal right to get a job, to meet their potential needs but most families do not send their children to schools
for example
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,
According to
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 international NGO, CARE, 88% of
poverty
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 around the world is
due to
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 uneducated
people
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. Moving toward, the governments should raise a campaign to educate individuals.The intentions of the campaign should be to aware
people
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 of
education
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 and to change their attitudes and behaviours towards
education
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.
people
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 should know by reading or writing, they will be able to reach the standards of society.
Furthermore
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, governments should make educational policies so that it will become easier to gain free knowledge for everyone.
For instance
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, UNESCO, emphasises the importance of
education
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 and implementing educational policies around the globe.
Hence
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 there should be training centers where
people
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 can learn basic skills to improve their lives.
To sum up
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, significant
people
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 are not reading and writing despite accessibility to
education
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 , which leads to increased
poverty
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 and social isolation in society.

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task achievement
Make sure each point is fully developed and supported with examples or explanations. You touched on key disadvantages like poverty and social exclusion, but these sections could be expanded to further explore their impacts.
coherence cohesion
Try to integrate transitions more seamlessly to improve the flow of the essay. Your ideas are coherent, but better connections between sentences and paragraphs would help improve clarity.
task achievement
Clearly separate the disadvantages and government actions sections to help ensure both parts of the prompt are equally addressed.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your conclusion to restate the main points more clearly and succinctly.
coherence cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction that outlines the problems to be discussed.
task achievement
You identify two major disadvantages of illiteracy which are poverty and social exclusion, showing a focused response to the question.
task achievement
The essay suggests specific actions governments should take, such as raising awareness campaigns and creating educational policies, which directly respond to the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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