IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Undoubtedly, moving from the suburbs to the main
city
Use synonyms
 is a huge step forward.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that rural people started to move from the suburbs to towns, there is
also
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 an argument that the population began to decrease in the countryside via the people leaving.
This
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 essay will analyse both points of development and express my opinion. On the one hand, moving to the main
city
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 has various benefits for rural humans,
such
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 as schooling resources, hospitals, and job opportunities.
For instance
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, kids can join school and learn, labourers will have many job chances, and massive hospital
facilities
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 are quite near them.
However
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, moving can have its challenges,
along with
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 the line of expensive flats and apartments and the noise pollution.
This
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 could be an issue for the migration.
On the other hand
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, the rural population decline can cause multiple issues in the countryside. The suburb's
facilities
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 that produce fruit or oil products will face a drawback
due to
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 the rural workers moving to the main
city
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.
Thus
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, the holy work will fall.
For example
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, many of the companies are in the suburbs
due to
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 the cheap land and the air quality, so if workers leave their jobs and move to town,
then
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 it will cause an issue for the
facilities
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. In conclusion,
while
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 there is no definitive answer to
this
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 issue, rural families will have various benefits from moving to a
city
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,
such
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 as the opportunity for learning for kids, new jobs for adults, and more hospital care.
However
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,
facilities
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 will have many drawbacks with
this
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 process and will not be happy.

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task achievement
Try to delve deeper into each point to elaborate more comprehensively, especially when discussing the downsides of moving to cities or the advantages from an economic perspective.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of your essay is clear, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using more cohesive devices to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
When providing examples, try to include more specific and varied instances or statistics that reinforce your points and add credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion which aligns well with IELTS requirements.
task achievement
You have identified both positive and negative aspects thoughtfully, thereby showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay's conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and clarifies your overall stance on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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