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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table and pie charts below show the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010.

The table and pie charts below show the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010.
The table and pie charts show
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the
number
Use synonyms
 and percentages of research
students
Use synonyms
 in Australian universities respectively, broken down into two aspects: origin and gender, in 2001 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of research pupils were made up of locals,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 were minor in both years.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that the
number
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 of
students
Use synonyms
 from abroad
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 on the rise.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a closer look at the table can be seen that in both 2001 and 2010,
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 were primarily made up
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 domestic
students
Use synonyms
. It is noticeable that the total
number
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 of applicants
applied
Correct pronoun usage
who applied
show examples
 to
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 universities in 2010 roughly doubled than in the past.
While
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
oversea
Correct your spelling
overseas
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 show considerable growth with three-fold of its previous statistics at nearly 15,000
students
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, locals only experienced
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 at approximately 6,000
students
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. With regards to sexes,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of male and female
locals
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local
show examples
students
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were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 nearly the same, there distinct
difference
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differences
show examples
 found in foreign
students
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. In 2011, at 9% , Overseas male
students
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was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 larger than that of
female
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females
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2010
number
Use synonyms
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
overtaken
Wrong verb form
overtook
show examples
 its male counterparts with 3% more at 15%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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