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Writing Samples
Band 7

Studies suggest that children spend more time watching tv than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? what methods can be used to tackle it?

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In the modern world, the activities of children have changed drastically. As compared to the bygone
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
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 leisure interest changed from doing exercises and artful work to sitting
at
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in
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 one place watching television. Myriads of ostensible factors are accountable for
this
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 scenario,
however
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, with the right steps and perspectives,
this
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 prejudice can be eradicated. Tacitly, the predominant factors that evidently triggered it can be observed. First and foremost, having a single child in the home results in overprotection. To clarify, parents try to provide all possible comfort to their little ones and become overanxious regarding the result of strenuous actions. To illustrate, Dr Sigmund Freud, an eminent psychologist in his study of human nature and cognitive skills asserted that in the past families had a number of toddlers at a time owing to which it was impossible to give attention to everyone.
Secondly
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, guardians are becoming workaholics because of
this
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 they get help from technology like TV, so the kids do not distract them from their work.
Nevertheless
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, there are potential ways to curb
this
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 menace. Primarily, there should be an allocated time for all kinds of innovative achievements like art, dance and games. To go deeper, childhood is only a short period of time and the only way to know the potential of an offspring regarding ambition, interests, and hobbies. To illustrate, a survey conducted by the United States Census Bureau over 2000 individuals revealed that 55% of youngsters developed their professions in future after learning small steps in their early years.
To conclude
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, it can be said that
although
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 there is a plethora of causes of
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 issue, the collaborative effort of the mother, father and other family members can ameliorate
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 problem.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to establish its main idea. This enhances readability and coherence across the essay.
Task Achievement
Consider elaborating more on your points and providing additional examples or evidence to support your claims. This can enhance the depth and clarity of your response.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction clearly presents the change in children's activities and sets the stage for the discussion.
Complete Response
You effectively analyze the reasons behind the issue, such as overprotection and reliance on technology by busy parents.
Relevant Specific Examples
A relevant example about the impact of early hobbies on future careers is used to emphasize the importance of active engagement in childhood.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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