IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

‘The best way to educate children is by using the Internet in every lesson.’ To what extent do you share this opinion? What other ways are there of making lessons effective for children?

#‘the #children #internet #lesson #lessons
Some people argue that taking
internet
 resources as a reference in classes is the best method for educating youngsters. I firmly believe that too much reliance on
internet
 data is not the most pertinent solution,
however
, illustrating real-case scenarios is
also
 equally important.
To begin
 with, the mass integration of the
internet
 has
also
 made utilization of the
internet
 a prevalent habit in schools, providing
children
 with the most up-to-date and overarching data available. The scale of
this
 trend has exceeded expectations by actively engaging in group studies in every school lesson regardless of the topic. In my view, the existing resources available in schools are insufficient for schoolers to be educated in alignment with the current trends and future life requisites.
Therefore
, the
internet
 has been deemed as the most suitable tool to use for the sake of
children
 in schools.
For example
, almost every classroom has a device to connect
internet
 in order to access infinite data or a simple demonstration of a puzzling subject which cannot be depicted
otherwise
. Consequentially,
children
 have the chance to grasp the information faster
as well as
 in an illuminated version.
Although
 there are dozens of pluses encompassed in
internet
 usage, too much dependence on
internet
 sources brings about kids being guided in the wrong direction
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since not every piece of information is reliable on the
internet
 and cannot be taken for granted.
Furthermore
, the lessons that involve feelings, behaviours, and tacit knowledge cannot be taught through surfing on the
internet
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but rather should be meticulously broken down into smaller, yet fathomable details by teachers. To illustrate, it is impossible for a child to grasp the importance of attitudes and manners
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 unless they have been given a use-case scenario based on real-world interactions. In conclusion, despite the
internet
 has undeniable role in the development of
children
, it still comes well short in the development of their cognitive abilities.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses the main points of the task, but it could use a more explicit response to the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. Additionally, the essay should explore the second part of the question more thoroughly by giving more alternative methods for making lessons effective for children.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized in a logical manner; introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are evident. Yet, transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother, and cohesive devices could be used more effectively to strengthen the overall flow of the essay. Varying connectives and transition phrases would enhance the coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • abundant source,
  • multimedia resources
  • reliance
  • misleading information
  • tactile learning
  • hands-on activities
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • interactive group activities
  • physical activity
  • outdoor learning experiences
  • child development
  • educational technology
  • interactive whiteboards
  • educational apps
  • virtual reality
  • digital literacy
  • credible sources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: