These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
A group of
individuals
presents
the view that moving away from one's birthplace is driven by practical reasons like education and career advancement, Correct subject-verb agreement
present
whereas
others believe staying close to home is essential for maintaining family ties and cultural connections. I strongly agree with the former opinion, as economic opportunities
and personal development often compel people
to leave their hometowns.
On the one hand, some people
justifiably argue that economic opportunities
are a major reason for moving away. Cities and regions with a strong job market, higher salaries, and better career prospects attract many individuals
who wish to improve their quality of life. For example
, it is common for young adults from rural areas to move to major cities where they can find jobs that offer not only higher pay but also
room for career advancement. In this
sense, relocation becomes a logical step for anyone seeking professional growth.
They also
present the sound argument that pursuing higher education is a key factor in this
trend. Many people
leave their hometowns to attend universities or vocational programs that are unavailable in their region. Not only does this
provide them with specialized skills, but it also
opens doors to better employment opportunities
in new areas. As a result
, they often end up staying in these new places after completing their studies, further
contributing to the trend of moving away from one’s birthplace.
On the other hand
, another group of people
claims that lifestyle preferences and family ties encourage people
to stay in their hometowns. They insist that remaining close to one's family provides emotional support and preserves cultural traditions. However
, I do not find this
argument convincing, as many individuals
are able to maintain strong family connections even after relocating. In today’s interconnected world, technology makes it easier to keep in touch with loved ones, and visiting family members during holidays is common practice. Therefore
, staying in the same region solely for family reasons may limit personal growth.
To conclude
, in my view, people
move away from their birthplaces primarily for economic opportunities
and personal development. Relocating to areas with better job prospects or higher education options allows individuals
to improve their quality of life. Moreover
, while
staying close to family
may seem comforting, it is not as crucial as adapting to new Add an article
the family
opportunities
that can lead to greater success and fulfillment
in the long run.Change the spelling
fulfilment
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coherence cohesion
You include an effective introduction and conclusion, which cohesively frame your argument. Try to use more transitions for an even smoother flow between ideas.
task achievement
Your response to the task is thorough, addressing both viewpoints successfully, but try to include a few more specific examples for a richer discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong and logical structure, guiding the reader through your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, clearly stating and summarizing your main argument.
task achievement
Your essay thoroughly addresses the task, giving a balanced view of both arguments.
task achievement
You provide comprehensive ideas, with a clear focus on the reasons why people choose to move away.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example