IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and the people around them?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the past,
people
Use synonyms
 tended to sleep more than they do in the present. The main reason behind
this
Linking Words
 is long working
hours
Use synonyms
, which affects their physical and mental well-being. Individuals sleep for fewer
hours
Use synonyms
 these days because of the long working
hours
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 have immense pressure from their bosses who force them to finish the
work
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible. So, they are forced to
work
Use synonyms
 day and night, to complete the project they have been assigned.
This
Linking Words
 creates stress and anxiety which keeps them up the whole night. Another reason for working long hefty
hours
Use synonyms
 is competition between everyone and the desire to get a promotion at an early age.
For example
Linking Words
, in a recent study by WHO, multi-national companies have not only increased the working
hours
Use synonyms
 from 40 to 50 but
also
Linking Words
 made it mandatory to
work
Use synonyms
 6 days a week. Getting only 4 or 5
hours
Use synonyms
 of sleep affects the physical health of an individual.
People
Use synonyms
 who have to stand for longer
hours
Use synonyms
 at their jobs develop knee and foot issues,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals doing sitting jobs have spine or neck injuries.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 constantly do not focus on their hobbies or spend time with their loved ones which affects them mentally.
For instance
Linking Words
, in a survey conducted by the students at the University of Waterloo, 70% of
people
Use synonyms
 are on medication who are working more than 44
hours
Use synonyms
 a week. In conclusion, at present
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 long
hours
Use synonyms
 at their workplaces have bad sleeping patterns.
This
Linking Words
 has created an imbalance in their physical and mental health.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction and conclusion
Try to provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help in setting a focus for your argument.
logical structure
Consider organizing your paragraphs more logically. For example, separate the discussion of mental and physical effects into different paragraphs for better clarity.
clear and comprehensive ideas
Expand on your ideas to ensure clarity and depth. Make sure each idea is fully explained and there's a smooth transition between points.
relevant specific examples
Your use of specific examples, like the WHO study and the University of Waterloo survey, strengthens your argument by providing credible evidence.
complete response
Your essay generally addresses the task by explaining reasons for reduced sleep and the resultant effects.
introduction and conclusion
There's a clear and structured conclusion that summarizes your main points, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: