IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel.Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#students #work #travel #school #university #people #adult #life
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After finishing school, some
students
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 decide to either
work
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 or
travel
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 before starting
university
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. I fully agree that working
experience
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 is more beneficial for
adult
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life
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 compared to
travel
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, as it provides valuable
skills
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 and a deeper understanding of professional environments that are essential for future success. Working before
university
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 offers practical
skills
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 that are invaluable in
adult
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life
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.
Firstly
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, it helps
students
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 develop essential workplace
skills
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,
such
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 as communication, time management, and teamwork. These
skills
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 are often not fully taught in academic settings but are critical in any professional environment.
For instance
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, a student who works in a customer service role can learn how to interact effectively with diverse people, manage their time efficiently, and solve problems under pressure. Without
this
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experience
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, they may struggle to adapt quickly when entering the workforce after
university
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.
Additionally
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,
work
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experience
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 can
instill
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instil
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 a strong sense of responsibility, as
students
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 learn to meet deadlines and handle their duties independently. If
students
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 choose to
travel
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instead
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, they might miss out on developing these key
skills
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 that contribute directly to their professional growth.
Moreover
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,
work
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experience
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 can offer insights into
career
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 interests and industry knowledge that are invaluable for making informed decisions in
adult
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life
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. By working in a real-world setting,
students
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 can explore different roles and industries, gaining firsthand knowledge of what they may enjoy or wish to pursue in the future.
This
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 can guide them in selecting a relevant
university
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 major and setting clear
career
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 goals.
Additionally
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,
work
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experience
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 often helps
students
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 build a network of professional contacts, which can be crucial for future job opportunities.
For example
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,
students
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 who intern at a company might secure valuable references or even a job offer after graduation, something that
travel
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 alone cannot typically provide. Without
this
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 insight and network,
students
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 might face challenges in navigating their
career
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 paths effectively. In conclusion,
while
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travel
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 can offer personal growth, I believe that
work
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experience
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 is far more useful in preparing
students
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 for
adult
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life
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. It equips them with practical
skills
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,
career
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 insights, and professional connections that are essential for long-term success.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a variety of transition words or phrases to link sections of the essay more fluidly.
Task Response
Enhance the examples with more specific details or data to provide stronger evidence where possible.
Introduction
The introduction effectively outlines the topic and presents a clear position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes logical structure with well-organized paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Each main point is supported by relevant examples, contributing to a compelling argument.
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