Young people are often influenced by their peers. Cons outweigh the prons?
Youngsters now have a noticeable effect on their behaviours by people of the same age or at the same level, it is called
peer
pressure
. Some believe that peer
influence plays a significant role in teenagers' lives while
others argue that it can have a bad influence. I believe that peer
pressure
can have a positive impact such
as competitiveness and aspiration, while
it can also
lead to bad habits such
as smoking illegal things for minors.
On the one hand, the process by which members of the same social group affect other members to do alike things,
can lead to pushing themselves to success by awakening competition between them and the tendency to perform their best. In the most common situation like school,where students in the same grades are chasing to be better than their classmates by showing excellent results, because when their rivals get great marks, meanwhile they do not get, Remove the comma
apply
this
pupil will have a sense of lack which will torment them. For example
, in the movie Sydney, two girls named Jess and Emily each of them has an amazing academic performance, but when Emily gets more commendations from teachers Jess gets upset , so she makes every effort to be better.
On the other hand
, that pressure
can cause customs such
as smoking and drinking alcohol even when they are not under 18, as that group persuaded them that is
not bad because they are doing the same but they are still okay. When a kid sees a cool toy from other children he will be willing to get that stuff, for the reason that it is a trend and he should own that.For instance
, according to
the last
survey, a vast majority of students (56%) started smoking an item called vape which is harmful for
everyone.But it spread among the teens and now it is something extraordinary that everyone uses.
In conclusion, Change the preposition
to
peer
pressure
causes success by performing competitiveness and aspiration, while
it can also
damage them by providing bad habits such
as smoking. It is predicted that, in 2065, everyone will not be affected by this
peer
influence.Submitted by aizered097 on
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Development of ideas
Enhance the quality of your examples by linking them more clearly to your main argument. Although you've used relevant examples, making the connection to your thesis more explicit could strengthen your argument.
Language use
Pay attention to vary your sentence structures to include more complex and compound sentences for a richer linguistic texture.
Argumentation
Be mindful of general statements or predictions without evidence or explanation, particularly in your conclusion. While it's good to offer a future perspective, grounding it with more concrete reasoning could make your argument more persuasive.
Balance of Discussion
Consider balancing the discussion of positive and negative aspects more equally. The essay leans slightly towards illustrating negative outcomes, so ensuring an equal representation will make your analysis more balanced.
Content Coverage
Your essay effectively outlines both the positive and negative impacts of peer pressure, ensuring a well-rounded discussion.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and effectively encapsulate the main points of the essay, contributing to its overall coherence.
Use of Examples
You've demonstrated a good ability to use examples to support your points, enhancing the essay's persuasiveness.
Your opinion
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