IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think government should tax unhealthy food to encourage people to begin to eat more healthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Food
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 is an essential part of every person.
Furthermore
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, healthy ingredients keep a person fit and sick-free. Eating a lot of unhealthy types of
food
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 can lead to the deterioration of their well-being. Nowadays, encouraging people
to begin
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 to eat more healthy
foods
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 become a question. I generally agree that the government should
tax
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 unhealthy
food
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for
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this
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 reason. As, the primary objective of the government is to keep their citizens healthy and disease-free, a
tax
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 on them could help them in attaining it. We will elaborate on more reasons in the passage
further
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. First and foremost, taxing unhealthy
food
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 can discourage people from buying and consuming it. When unhealthy options like fast
food
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, sugary snacks, and drinks become more expensive
due to
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 taxation, consumers may think twice before making
such
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 purchases.
For instance
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, countries that have implemented a "sugar
tax
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,"
such
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 as the United Kingdom, have seen a reduction in the consumption of sugary beverages. As people are financially motivated to choose healthier options,
this
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 could lead to a general improvement in public
health
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, including a decrease in obesity rates and diet-related illnesses like diabetes and heart disease. Another key reason for taxing unhealthy
foods
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 is the potential to generate revenue that can be used for public
health
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 initiatives. The money raised from these taxes could be allocated to programs that educate the public about healthy eating and fund subsidies for healthier
food
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 options,
such
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 as fruits and vegetables. By making healthy
food
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 more affordable and accessible, the government can help lower-income families make better dietary choices.
As a result
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, a
tax
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 on unhealthy
foods
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 can serve a dual purpose: discouraging harmful consumption
while
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 supporting public
health
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 initiatives. In conclusion, I believe that taxing unhealthy
foods
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 is a beneficial policy that can lead to significant improvements in public
health
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. By discouraging the consumption of junk
food
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 and generating funds for
health
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 programs,
this
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 measure can help reduce the prevalence of diet-related diseases and promote healthier eating habits.
While
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 there may be concerns about the impact on low-income groups, these can be addressed through subsidies and targeted public
health
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 efforts.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with the idea of taxing unhealthy
foods
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 as a means of encouraging healthier living

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task achievement
Try to expand on the reasons presented in the body paragraphs. Provide more varied examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow. You might want to use linking words more effectively to clarify the progression from one idea to another.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint on the issue, supporting the argument that taxing unhealthy food can contribute to improved public health.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the mention of the 'sugar tax' in the UK, adds credibility and relevance to the argument.
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