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Writing Samples
Band 8

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say that we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The extinction of animal species is an important issue nowadays. Environmentalists argue that countries and individuals must take responsibility for saving these
animals
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,
while
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 others say that the
problems
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 of human
beings
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 are more important.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and provide evidence as to why we must care about the environment and its endangered inhabitants. On the
one
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 hand, there is an argument that we should concentrate on human
beings
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' difficulties. There are so many issues concerning
people
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 living on
this
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 earth,
such
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 as wars, hunger, diseases, and other life-threatening situations. So, it is wise to spend our limited resources on alleviating suffering
people
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 from these
problems
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, rather than on wildlife.
For instance
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, with the huge amount of money
that is
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 being spent annually on keeping pandas safe, we can save millions of hungry children in Africa.
Furthermore
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, individuals have emotions and sensations which make it harder to see them suffer. In short,
people
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's empathy for
one
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 another encourages them to prioritize each other's needs.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 are concerned about the environment and endangered
animals
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 and argue that we are responsible for their lives because
this
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 is the result of our actions and manipulations of their habitats.
Moreover
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,
animals
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 and human
beings
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 are all parts of
one
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 ecosystem, and,
according to
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 the Butterfly Effect, the collapsing of
one
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 part will paralyze the other parts.
For example
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, if ants become extinct, so will our farming industry, which will result in famine and hunger. In short,
although
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animals
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 are not directly involved in our lives, I believe that ignoring them will lead to more serious
problems
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. In conclusion, the lives and
problems
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 of all living
beings
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 are valuable and require consideration. In my opinion, we cannot be indifferent to other living creatures, since
this
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 ignorance will have disastrous impacts on our own being.

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score further, consider providing a more detailed analysis of your opinion in the conclusion by linking it directly to the main ideas discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay has a strong logical structure, using more varied cohesive devices can improve the flow between your paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion, addressing both sides of the argument, which is key for a complete task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the main topic and the conclusion clearly summarizes the main points discussed, showing excellent coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay uses specific examples to support the arguments, making the ideas clear and relevant.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • cascading effects
  • economic impacts
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • environmental conservation
  • human welfare
  • moral duty
  • preserve
  • sustainable practices
  • habitats
  • interconnected
  • extinction
  • advocates
  • opponents
  • priority
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