Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, the participation of
teenagers
in competitive sports
is a topic that sparks intense debate. While
some argue that these sports
have a negative impact on education, others believe that the effects are overwhelmingly positive. In my view, the advantages of competitive sports
outweigh any potential drawbacks.
Critics claim that highly competitive sports
can have detrimental effects on teenagers
. They argue that the pursuit of victory at all costs may compromise their physical well-being, leading to serious injuries. For instance
, my own sister broke her leg during a basketball game as she disregarded safety precautions in her fervour to win. Moreover
, opponents of competitive sports
highlight the psychological toll it can take on young individuals. Adolescents, still developing emotional control, may experience profound despair in the face of defeat, which could potentially lead to depression. I vividly recall considering quitting football after my school team lost in a championship, but with the guidance of my parents, I learned to persevere.
In contrast
, I firmly support the notion that competitive sports
have significant benefits for teenagers
. The desire to excel and prove oneself can positively impact their self-esteem. The satisfaction derived from achieving success in a championship or winning a highly anticipated game instils a belief in one's own abilities. Furthermore
, participating in competitive sports
nurtures valuable cooperative skills, vital in today's interconnected world. In my school years, I honed my ability to collaborate through the creation and discussion of performance strategies with my team. This
skill has remained invaluable throughout my life.
In conclusion, although
competitive sports
may carry the risk of physical and mental health issues, their potential positive impact cannot be ignored. By ensuring safety measures are in place, individuals can develop a strong sense of self-worth and enhance their cooperative abilities. It is imperative that we recognize the overall
value of competitive sports
in the education and personal growth of teenagers
.Submitted by vlad.chibisov on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which indicates the candidate's position. However, the logical structure between paragraphs could be improved for a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop the main points further to ensure that each is presented along with adequate explanation and expansion, which will enhance the cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The response covers the task sufficiently, providing a discussion of both views and giving the candidate's own opinion. However, aim to develop each point equally for a more balanced argument.
task achievement
Ideas are clear and generally well-developed, but strive to present a more comprehensive analysis of each viewpoint to elevate the level of insight within the essay.
task achievement
Examples used are relevant and add value to the argument, but incorporating a wider range of specific examples will strengthen the essay's persuasiveness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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