IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

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In
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 era, the
media
Use synonyms
 tend to share
information
Use synonyms
 as comprehensively as possible in publishing news, including a
person’s
Use synonyms
 private
information
Use synonyms
. Some people believe that sharing
someone’s
Use synonyms
 private
information
Use synonyms
 is the
media
Use synonyms
's authorization.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some audiences argue that private
information
Use synonyms
 published should be limited. It depends on the perspective, but as an
audience
Use synonyms
, I believe that sharing a
person’s
Use synonyms
 private
information
Use synonyms
 should be restricted. Some people perceive that sharing
someone’s
Use synonyms
 private
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 is a right for the
media
Use synonyms
 as it potentially grabs the viewer's attention and credibility. Journalists tend to serve a complete story
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 one’s life, including the untold one.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a news anchor announces an achievement of our badminton athletes, he or she will
also
Linking Words
 share about the athlete’s background and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
life story. It shapes the
audience
Use synonyms
's perception that
this
Linking Words
 source of announcement puts comprehensive
information
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 related to the achievement. From the viewer’s point of view,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 is more credible when they serve the news as thoroughly as possible.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that sharing a
person’s
Use synonyms
 private
information
Use synonyms
 should be strictly controlled since it potentially
disturbed
Wrong verb form
disturbs
show examples
 one’s privacy.
Information
Use synonyms
 that the
audience
Use synonyms
 receives about
someone’s
Use synonyms
 private
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 can trigger them to act aggressively, especially those who are obsessed with the person. Through the details about
someone’s
Use synonyms
 address, they can potentially do something disturbing
such
Linking Words
 as stalking or throwing a threat through a mail or gift. Those kinds of acts interrupt the
person’s
Use synonyms
 privacy, and it is categorized as a crime.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some people believe that publishing
someone’s
Use synonyms
 private life is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
media
Use synonyms
’s right to catch viewer’s attention and elevate their credibility. Meanwhile, others believe that the
media
Use synonyms
 should be controlled
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sharing a
person’s
Use synonyms
 private
information
Use synonyms
 since it can trigger an
audience
Use synonyms
 to interfere with the person. In my perspective, the
media
Use synonyms
 should strictly choose the
information
Use synonyms
 about
someone’s
Use synonyms
 personal
information
Use synonyms
 to preserve the
person’s
Use synonyms
 privacy.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main question. This will strengthen the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Give more specific and varied examples to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments more explicitly to provide a balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
The essay opens with a clear introduction that sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion nicely wraps up the arguments.
complete response
The essay addresses both views of the debate thoroughly and offers a clear personal opinion.
logical structure
There is a logical flow to the ideas, and the use of linking words like 'for instance' supports coherence throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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