Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

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In
this
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information
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era, the
media
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tend to share
information
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as comprehensively as possible in publishing news, including a
person’s
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private
information
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. Some people believe that sharing
someone’s
Use synonyms
private
information
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is the
media
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's authorization.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some audiences argue that private
information
Use synonyms
published should be limited. It depends on the perspective, but as an
audience
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, I believe that sharing a
person’s
Use synonyms
private
information
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should be restricted. Some people perceive that sharing
someone’s
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private
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
is a right for the
media
Use synonyms
as it potentially grabs the viewer's attention and credibility. Journalists tend to serve a complete story
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
one’s life, including the untold one.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a news anchor announces an achievement of our badminton athletes, he or she will
also
Linking Words
share about the athlete’s background and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
life story. It shapes the
audience
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's perception that
this
Linking Words
source of announcement puts comprehensive
information
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that is
Linking Words
related to the achievement. From the viewer’s point of view,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
media
Use synonyms
is more credible when they serve the news as thoroughly as possible.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that sharing a
person’s
Use synonyms
private
information
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should be strictly controlled since it potentially
disturbed
Wrong verb form
disturbs
show examples
one’s privacy.
Information
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that the
audience
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receives about
someone’s
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private
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
can trigger them to act aggressively, especially those who are obsessed with the person. Through the details about
someone’s
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address, they can potentially do something disturbing
such
Linking Words
as stalking or throwing a threat through a mail or gift. Those kinds of acts interrupt the
person’s
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privacy, and it is categorized as a crime.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some people believe that publishing
someone’s
Use synonyms
private life is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
media
Use synonyms
’s right to catch viewer’s attention and elevate their credibility. Meanwhile, others believe that the
media
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should be controlled
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
sharing a
person’s
Use synonyms
private
information
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since it can trigger an
audience
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to interfere with the person. In my perspective, the
media
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should strictly choose the
information
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about
someone’s
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personal
information
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to preserve the
person’s
Use synonyms
privacy.
Submitted by astarindri on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main question. This will strengthen the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Give more specific and varied examples to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments more explicitly to provide a balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
The essay opens with a clear introduction that sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion nicely wraps up the arguments.
complete response
The essay addresses both views of the debate thoroughly and offers a clear personal opinion.
logical structure
There is a logical flow to the ideas, and the use of linking words like 'for instance' supports coherence throughout the essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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