Some people believe that competition in work, school, and daily life is beneficial, while others argue that cooperation should be prioritized. Both approaches come with distinct advantages and disadvantages.
Some
people
believe that competition
in work, school, and daily life
is beneficial, while
others argue that cooperation
should be prioritized. Both approaches come with distinct advantages and disadvantages.
Competition
can be a powerful motivator that pushes people
to excel. It encourages individuals
to sharpen their skills, set ambitious goals, and pursue personal growth. By aiming to outperform others, people
often unlock their full potential, which is crucial for personal development. However
, competition
has its downsides, as it can create high levels of stress and pressure. When individuals
focus too much on winning or outdoing others, they may experience burnout, mental health struggles, and even strained relationships, as rivalry can start to overshadow collaboration.
On the other hand
, cooperation
brings about teamwork and a sense of community. When people
work together, they can achieve shared goals more effectively, as each person brings unique. strengths to the group. Cooperation
also
builds strong relationships, as individuals
feel supported. and valued. However
, a cooperative environment may sometimes slow down progress, especially when there is a need for consensus or when individuals
rely too heavily on each other, potentially limiting personal responsibility and individual initiative.
In different areas s of life
, the balance between competition
and cooperation
varies. At work, competition
often leads to growth and innovation, as employees are motivated to develop new ideas and achieve their best. In school, however
, competition
can create a toxic atmosphere that increases stress among students, whereas
cooperation
fosters a more supportive and inclusive learning environment. In daily life
, competition
can be beneficial for personal goals, such
as saving money or improving fitness, as it drives individuals
to challenge themselves. On a societal level, however
, cooperation
is more advantageous, allowing communities to address shared concerns like environmental protection and public safety through collective efforts.
In conclusion, both competition
and cooperation
have their place, depending on the context. Finding the right balance can promote success and well-being in various areas of life
, helping both individuals
and communities to thrive.Submitted by ghorabibita on
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coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that all punctuation and grammatical structures are correct. For example, the phrase 'unique. strengths' should read 'unique strengths' without the period. Adjusting these minor errors will make the essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Work on refining and expanding the examples to make your points even more vivid and impactful. For instance, when discussing the detrimental effects of competition, you might add specific situations where excessive competition might lead to negative consequences.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize the topic and the points discussed. This helps to create a cohesive and well-organized piece.
task achievement
The essay covers a range of relevant examples across different areas, such as work, school, and daily life, offering a comprehensive view of the topic.
task achievement
Ideas are clearly articulated, providing a balanced view of both competition and cooperation with a structure that logically builds arguments and counterarguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example