IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #money #railways #roads
It is argued that the government should invest money in
railways
instead
 of
roads
. I agree with
this
 point of view because
railways
 are more environmentally friendly and
also
 play a role in economic
activity
.
Firstly
, funding
railways
encourages
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
 green travel. Improving
roads
 may result in an increase in private car use.
However
, the government builds more
railways
, subways, and tram lines to improve the environmental quality because subways, trams and trains have much more capacity and
therefore
, much lower per-capita carbon emissions than private vehicles.
Also
, more individuals will perfectly choose them rather than private cars as their main vehicle.
In addition
,
railway
 networks are very crucial for economic
activity
. With these networks,
railways
 connect different cities and even countries, and goods can be delivered fast and cost-effectively.
For example
, the China-Europe
Railway
 Express, which moves cargo containers from China to London ranges from 15 to 20 days.
This
 is roughly half the transit time of an ocean container, the cost is cheaper than using
roads
 or planes.
This
 means
railways
 help goods be shipped in time at relatively low costs for any other promotional activities that take place in the UK or there is a low-cost source from consumption for Black Fridays.
Although
 road transport is
also
 effective, it cannot match the speed of
railway
 transport, making
railway
 infrastructure an important investment for boosting economic
activity
 in those countries. In conclusion, government spending should be on
railways
 rather than
roads
 because
railway
 services encourage a friendly environment and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
play a big part in economic
activity
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Enhance your essay by adding more specific examples that illustrate the points you are making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking devices to show how your ideas flow from one to the next.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states the writer's position, which is maintained throughout the essay.
Language Use
The essay consistently uses a range of appropriate vocabulary.
Structure
The argument is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!