IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that children should be allowed to use smartphones. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #smartphones
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In today's modern world,
smartphones
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 have become a common device used by people of all ages, including
children
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. Some individuals believe that
children
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 should be permitted to
use
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smartphones
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the extent to which I agree with
this
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 viewpoint. One reason why
children
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 should be allowed to
use
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smartphones
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 is for educational purposes.
Smartphones
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 can provide access to a wide range of educational apps and resources that can help
children
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 to learn and to improve their knowledge.
For example
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,
children
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 can
use
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 educational apps to practice math skills or learn new languages.
Therefore
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, allowing
children
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 to
use
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smartphones
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 can enhance their learning experience.
On the other hand
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, excessive
use
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 of
smartphones
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 can have negative effects on
children
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's development. Spending too much time on
smartphones
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 can lead to a sedentary lifestyle and may hinder social interactions with peers.
Additionally
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, exposure to inappropriate content on the internet can pose risks to
children
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's mental and emotional well-being.
Therefore
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, it is important for parents to monitor and limit their
children
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's smartphone usage. In conclusion,
while
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smartphones
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 can offer educational benefits to
children
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, it is essential to consider the potential negative impacts of excessive smartphone
use
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. Parents should strike a balance between allowing
children
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 to
use
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smartphones
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 for educational purposes and ensuring that they do not become overly dependent on these devices. Ultimately, the decision to allow
children
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 to
use
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smartphones
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 should be made with careful consideration of their well-being and development.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to reinforce your argument. This will support your main points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the transitions between paragraphs are varied and smooth to maintain the reader's engagement.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that align well with the main body of the text.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical structure with coherent paragraphs that clearly support your standpoint.
task achievement
The argument is well-balanced, considering both the advantages and disadvantages of allowing children to use smartphones.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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