The graph below shows the number of library books read by bos and girls at Starmourth School from 2006 to the present.

The graph below shows the number of library books read by bos and girls at Starmourth School from

2006 to the present.
The given chart provide us with data about how many Starmourth School's
books
were read by males and females between 2006 and 2012. Looking at an
overall
structure it is readily apparent that both categories experienced a rise within the given timeframe.
Girls
were dominating over
boys
in the initial period,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
they reversed their positions with
boys
in the ultimate period.
Although
the amount of
books
read by
girls
accounted for approximately 52 in 2009 and
this
figure nearly doubled at around 100 in 2011, by 2012 the number had dropped to only 80
books
. The opposite was true for
boys
in the initial years. They showed lower interest in reading in comparison with
girls
both in 2009 and 2010, they read 20 and 40
books
respectively.
However
during the period from 2010 to 2011,
books
read by
boys
underwent a significant increase and catched the number of
books
read by
girls
- 100. By 2012,
boys
had taken the lead, reading 140
books
.
Submitted by ayshanngurbanova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words books, girls, boys with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: