The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree.

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Education is a part and parcel of

children

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's lives, whether curriculum or extracurricular. Several

people

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believe that in the modern world,

children

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should avoid art and

music

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to put all their focus on scientific

subjects

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such

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as technology. From my perspective, I can't entirely agree with

this

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belief since there are individual differences among

children

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. Many

people

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are talented in arts,

music

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, sports, and so on;

however

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people

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, particularly

children

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, need to express their energy with something far away from school

subjects

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This

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essay will exhibit the reasons behind

this

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phenomenon. To start with, extracurricular

subjects

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play a vital role in promoting

children

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's skills.

In other words

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, many

children

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were born with skills without their knowledge, and in unsystematic

subjects

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, they can discover these talents;

however

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, they can be creative in that field more than the curriculum subject.

For example

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, many artists and musicians are working and earning more than those who only study technology, math, physics, or whatever.

Additionally

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, in the modern world,

people

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who are working with their talents are more common than in previous generations,

while

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previously all

people

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were in the same pattern without any developing or discovering skills.

In addition

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, many

children

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are in need of expressing their energy. It is

also

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possible to say that engaging in creative activities

such

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as art and

music

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allows them to process feelings of frustration or anxiety, which can be particularly beneficial for their mental health.

As a result

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, these tiny things can certainly affect their personality in school

as well as

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their marks, which can give them the opportunity to study more.

For instance

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, if you do two research on two different schools, you will certainly notice that the school with both curriculum and extracurriculars has higher rates than the other one. In conclusion, a balanced education that includes art and

music

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is essential for fostering creativity, emotional expression, and

overall

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well-being in

children

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talahakoura27Thu Oct 31 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay presents a coherent argument against the exclusion of arts and music from the curriculum. However, try to organize the ideas more logically within paragraphs to enhance the flow.

coherence cohesion

While there is an introduction and conclusion, consider expanding the conclusion to reinforce your stance and main points further.

task achievement

Ensure that all main points are well-supported with examples and evidence. The essay presents good ideas, but they could benefit from more details and examples.

task achievement

The response is clear and mostly comprehensive, but consider integrating more specific examples to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.

task achievement

The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing the importance of arts and music in the curriculum.

task achievement

Several relevant ideas are discussed, highlighting the benefits of arts and music for children.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

317 words

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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree.

As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computures and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funds from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree? Outline

Many people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others suggest it will cause stress in the home. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on sustainable living and reducing environmental impact. What are the challenges of adopting a sustainable lifestyle? What practical actions can individuals take to contribute to sustainability?