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Band 6.5

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
Military services given to the young generation can have several benefits for the country and the individual's growth and development.
This
 essay agrees with the statement that military service should be compulsory for young men after they complete school.
Firstly
, the upcoming generation will be mentally and physically strong;
secondly
, the country will never have to rely on other nations to protect their land and sovereignty. First of all, the mental and physical fitness of the youth will be in good shape if the compulsion of military service is implemented. Nowadays, young people are not taking as much care about their health as they used to do in the past. Having
such
 strict measures will fill the gap that needs to be considered.
Women
 can
also
 self-defend themselves in an emergency, making them more independent and sturdy. The crime rate against
women
 will drastically decline.
For instance
, the crime rate against
women
 in Switzerland is the lowest around the world because of the provided military services by the government.
Furthermore
, reliability for
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other countries will no longer be a headache. In case of attack from some enemies, the country's citizens will serve as an active militant group to protect their homeland. Technological weapons are not easy to use; they require a specific set of instructions to follow in order to use them. If the young kids are given
this
 training after completing their education, they can be active soldiers within a week at the time of war.
According to
 the CIA report, Japan has passed a law to foster its young generation with military education, as they want to decrease their reliability on the US army. To recapitulate, youth will be physically and mentally fit, and the government will have trustable patriots in its army. I strongly agree and support enhancing military services for young men and
women
.
Submitted by rushsoni1998 on

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task achievement
Ensure the essay opens with a clear thesis statement that directly responds to the essay question and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the points made.
task achievement
Develop more fully supported main points with specific details, examples, or data to illustrate the argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices to create smoother transitions between main ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Structure paragraphs clearly with topic sentences that directly relate to the central argument of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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