some people think that money makes a life a comfortable others think that a large amount of money brings more trouble. do you think advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

It is often argued whether
money
is an essential factor in making
life
more comfortable. Some claim that having a huge amount of
money
is crucial for a better living
whereas
others are firm in their belief that
this
brings several issues. Personally, I am a proponent of the view that the advantages of
this
exceed the disadvantages. in
this
essay, I am going to elucidate both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
.
One
of the most obvious benefits of having a huge amount of
money
is that it ensures
people
acquire the quality of education.
For example
, the wealthy are able to study in high-ranked universities like Yale University thanks to
money
, allowing them to reach their best knowledge.
Further
, having a fortune is undoubtedly essential for maintaining
one
's
overall
well-being. Wealthy
people
are able to consume healthy , expensive food which contains high levels of minerals, decreasing the risks of facing health problems.
Finally
, wealthy
people
can travel to various places.
One
study conducted at Nazaarbaev University proves that individuals who travel frequently face less stress, proving that having
money
is crucial for stress management .
Thus
, being wealthy makes
life
much more convenient.
Nevertheless
, it is significant to recognize that being a prosperous person may have certain drawbacks.
To begin
with, the majority of affluent
people
lacking control over
money
are known to commence bad habits
such
as the usage of drugs and extensive rate of alcohol consumption.A good example of
this
is Macaulay Culkin who became wealthy after acting in several films.
However
, his career ended because of drug addiction.
This
example proves that having a huge degree of
money
can destroy
one
's
life
owing to low
money
management skills .
In addition
, it is widely accepted that rich
people
are surrounded by fake friends. Noticing
this
fact may cause emotional trauma to the wealthy.
Consequently
,
this
may lead to psychological problems. In conclusion,
Although
it seems that being a prosperous person may cause issues
due to
a lack of control over
money
, I strongly believe that
money
is the most important factor in creating a convenient
life
.
Therefore
benefits of being rich overshadow the drawbacks.
However
,it is recommended that wealthy individuals should improve their
money
management skills
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly with linking phrases to improve the logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure topic sentences clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
task achievement
Double-check for any minor grammar mistakes or word choices that might not be the best fit.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which enhances understanding.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
You have thoroughly addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: