IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is being argued that educational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 ought to take in the same population of boys and
girls
Use synonyms
 in every field.
Also
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, I totally concur with
this
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 idea because of equal chance and breaking down traditional
gender
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 stereotypes. The main reason for my agreement with
this
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 opinion is the same level of opportunity to attend
university
Use synonyms
. Not only should
girls
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 and boys be accepted based on their talent not
gender
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, but
also
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, they must compete in equal concomitances.
For
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this
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 reason, in most countries,
such
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 as my country, Iran, an exam is held yearly which is called the
university
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 entrance exam. The purpose of a
university
Use synonyms
 is to find talented people and help them. Since talent is rooted in the genetics of every person, they must focus on skills rather than
gender
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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, in
this
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 situation, every individual could find the chance if they are professional without
gender
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 consideration. Another reason for my agreement with
this
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 proposition is changing common
gender
Use synonyms
assumption
Fix the agreement mistake
assumptions
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. In some countries, studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 is not acceptable for
girls
Use synonyms
. They believe that they must stay at home and just take care of children
that is
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 not true. Governments should try hard to break down
this
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 opinion and encourage
girls
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 to attend universities. The more educational
girls
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 exist, the more developed society
comes
Verb problem
becomes
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 as follows.
Subsequently
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, when
girls
Use synonyms
 are educated, they could contribute to improving the economy and society. In conclusion, to reiterate I agree with accepting
girls
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 and boys in
university
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 equally in each major because of creating the same chance and removing traditional beliefs. Should
this
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 idea be put into practice, it could have beneficial results.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all supporting sentences relate to it. This will enhance the coherence and clarity of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples or data to strengthen your points, making your argument more compelling and relatable to the reader.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and articulates the reasons for agreement effectively.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transition words and logical structuring of arguments to guide the reader through the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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