IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that books should be stopped in school, and videos, films and computers should be used instead. To what extent do you agree ?

#people #books #school #videos #films #computers
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A few individuals believe that
books
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 might be stopped in educational institutions
while
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 others think that
videos
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, films and computers should be used
at
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in
show examples
 the place of
books
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 viewpoint because
books
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 are authentic and traditional
sources
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 of information
while
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videos
Use synonyms
, films and computers are quite distracting for
students
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.
This
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 essay will
completely
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be completely
show examples
 in favour of my viewpoint. First and foremost,
books
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 are genuine and traditional
sources
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 of information.
In other words
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, before publishment, a written document goes through proofreading many times and there is
also
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 a copyright on each document.
As a result
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, there is no false knowledge or plagiarism in it.
For instance
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, a headline published in a newspaper
of
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by
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 BBC ( British Broadcasting Corporation ) stated that most of the
students
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 of Cambridge University rely on
books
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 for their studies rather than depending upon online
sources
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.
Hence
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, online
sources
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 could not take the place of
books
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.
Moreover
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, when
students
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 do online study, they can not fully concentrate on their studies because online
sources
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 are full of distracting information,
such
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 as irrelevant
videos
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,
advertisements
Correct word choice
and advertisements
show examples
 before the video starts, which
distract
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distracts
show examples
 the focus of
students
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.
Secondly
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, the teacher knows which is the real origin of knowledge. Sometimes
students
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 have to struggle to reach the subject of study.
For example
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, a survey, conducted in the US, reveals that in the final results of secondary class, the
students
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 who use
books
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instead
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 of online resources have topped in the examination. In conclusion, for people who believe that
books
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 should be stopped,
this
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 idea is quite irrelevant.
However
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, films,
videos
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 and computers can be used to make study interesting but these things can not replace
books
Use synonyms
, which are genuine
sources
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 of data.
Submitted by maliksheetal32 on

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Language Use
To enhance your essay, integrate more complex sentence structures and utilize a wider range of vocabulary. This can add depth to your argument and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Argument Development
Be cautious with overgeneralizations or statements that may need more evidence to be convincing. Offering a balanced view, even if you have a strong opinion, can improve the persuasive quality of your essay.
Argument Development
Consider adding a counter-argument paragraph where you briefly mention the opposing view before refuting it. This can make your argument stronger and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Grammar & Accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos to enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in effectively communicating your ideas.
Content & Examples
You provided relevant examples and reasons to support your viewpoint, which is crucial for a strong argumentative essay.
Position Clearness
The clear stance on the topic from the outset and throughout the essay helps maintain a coherent and persuasive argument.
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