In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?
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In my opinion, an egalitarian
society
is one in which everyone has the same rights and the same opportunities. I completely agree that people
can achieve more in this
kind of society
. Education is an important factor with regard to personal success
in life. I believe that all children should have access to free schooling, and higher education should be either free or affordable for all those who chose
to pursue a university degree. In a Wrong verb form
choose
society
without free schooling or affordable higher education, only children and young adults from wealthier families would have access to the best learning opportunities, and they would therefore
be better prepared for the job market. This
kind of inequality would ensure the success
of some but harm the prospects of others.
I would argue that equal rights and opportunities are not in conflict with people
's freedom to succeed or fail. In other words
, equality does not mean that people
lose their motivation to succeed, or that they are not allowed to fail. On the contrary
, I believe that most people
would feel more motivated to work hard and reach their potential if they thought that they lived in a fair society
. Those who did not make the same effort would know that they had wasted their opportunity. Inequality, on the other hand
, would be more likely to demotivate people
because they would know that the odds of success
were stacked in favour of those from privileged backgrounds.
In conclusion, it seems to me that there is a positive relationship between equality and personal success
.Submitted by aamenis on
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Task Achievement
Be sure to explicitly address both views presented in the question. While your personal view is clear, discussing the opposing view in more depth can lead to a more balanced essay and can enhance your task response score.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly and clearly outline the structure of your argument.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant, specific examples to support your points; this will help to add depth to your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic, potentially improving your task achievement score.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite