IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #aim #sales #products
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The primary focus of publicity is to enhance sales of goods which was believed by some individuals,
although
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people
Use synonyms
 do not really need these campaigns. It is necessary to improve the sales of a company so that it can sustain itself;
however
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, the creation of public
awareness
Use synonyms
 is badly needed by exposing real facts through advertising to the
people
Use synonyms
, so, I partially disagree with the statement.
To begin
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 with, in
this
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 contemporary world, it is true that businesses are becoming more and more competitive than a decade ago.
As a result
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, companies usually go for publicity campaigns as they need to grow their
overall
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 sales.
However
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, in different parts of the world, it is mandatory to raise social
awareness
Use synonyms
 among the citizens
along with
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 their product advertising.
For example
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, in Bangladesh, a company would give an advertisement about oral saline which enabled
people
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 to raise
awareness
Use synonyms
 among themselves and eventually helped them to make the mortality rate almost zero per cent
due to
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 diarrhoea.
In addition
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, citizens particularly in the third world countries do not know what foods are really needed in their daily meals. To solve
this
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 issue, a product campaign is the best idea suggesting why individuals should take their commodities in their daily meals, and what they will gain after consumption.
For instance
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, in the Horlicks campaign, the company tried to compare by using different graphs with and without eating Horlicks that enabled
people
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 to make their children taller, stronger, and healthier. In conclusion, it can not be denied that the principal aim of an organization is to sell products through advertising,
however
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, at the same time, they raise public
awareness
Use synonyms
 of different products which helps them to be a health-conscious person.
Submitted by zobaermasum12 on

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task achievement
Try to ensure each main point is fully elaborated and supported with examples or evidence. Some points appear underdeveloped.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions and connections between ideas could be clearer.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the main thesis and summarising effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples to support the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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