Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases

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A variety of technologies has been advancing rapidly, which can be used as surveillance tools because they easily detect shapes, movements, voices, and more.

This

improvement can lead to beneficial or disastrous outcomes. Personally, I believe that the benefits of advanced technologies will overcome the drawbacks. It is evident that there are some drawbacks, which can greatly affect people’s lives.

Firstly

, there will be less privacy because personal information or activities can be seen clearly by others.

Thus

, they can access them thoroughly without being noticed using various devices.

Secondly

, people will become more anxious as they are being watched by someone continuously, which makes them scared to do their routines or create a high-trust issue with others.

However

, the benefits must be considered as well.

This

improvement can make society more cautious about how they act and aware of their surroundings, which builds good self-control in them.

Therefore

, crimes need to be reconsidered beforehand since they can be caught quickly.

As a result

, the number of crimes will decrease gradually,

while

the monitoring technologies significantly enhance and are being used widely. In fact, some people would feel more safe and grateful because crimes can be avoided and they can have a peaceful life without feeling worried. To summarize, the benefits of utilizing monitoring tools will exceed the drawbacks

such

as less privacy and more

wary

Replace the word

wariness

show examples

as people can be more careful and sensible in maintaining their actions, impacting the reduced crime number, which would create safe circumstances for societies

Replace the punctuation

...

show examples

Submitted by hanalyaa29 on Sun Nov 03 2024

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relevant specific examples

Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, such as actual scenarios or experiences where technology monitoring has been beneficial or negative. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.

introduction conclusion present

Ensure that your conclusion ties back to the main points discussed in the essay. A stronger conclusion could summarize the benefits and drawbacks you've mentioned, reinforcing your perspective clearly.

complete response

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, providing both potential benefits and drawbacks of technology surveillance.

clear comprehensive ideas

The discussion on the benefits of technology improving self-awareness and reducing crime is well-articulated and insightful.

logical structure

The essay is organized logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss both sides of the issue, and a conclusion that emphasizes the writer's perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Surveillance
Cell phone tracking
Security cameras
Privacy invasion
Data security
Crime prevention
Transparency
Accountability
Customer service
Misuse of data
Breach
Identity theft
Autonomy
Efficiency
Psychological impact
Awareness

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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?