IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Sports play a significant role in promoting physical and mental well-being. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#sports #role
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Sports
 undeniably play a crucial role in supporting both physical and mental
health
. In my opinion, I completely agree with the idea that engaging in
sports
 contributes significantly to an individual’s well-being, as it enhances both body and mind through various beneficial impacts. It is my view that
sports
 positively impact physical
health
 by promoting regular exercise, which is essential for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Engaging in
sports
 regularly helps individuals keep their weight under control, reduces the risk of chronic illnesses, and supports cardiovascular
health
.
For instance
, participating in aerobic
sports
such
 as swimming, running, or cycling strengthens the heart and lungs, thereby increasing endurance and
overall
 fitness.
Additionally
,
sports
 aid in muscle development and flexibility, which are fundamental for physical well-being and longevity.
In contrast
, some people claim that the impact of
sports
 on mental
health
 is often overstated. They firmly insist that physical exercise alone cannot address serious mental
health
 issues, as
such
 conditions require therapeutic and medical intervention rather than relying solely on
sports
.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing, as numerous studies show that
sports
 can effectively improve mental well-being by releasing endorphins, which reduce symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression.
Moreover
, engaging in team
sports
 fosters social connections, enhances communication skills, and provides a sense of belonging, which are vital components of mental
health
.
Therefore
,
while
sports
 may not replace formal mental
health
 treatments, they serve as a powerful preventive and supportive tool for maintaining a balanced mental state. In conclusion, I completely agree with the view that
sports
 are instrumental in promoting physical and mental well-being. Not only do they support physical
health
 by encouraging regular activity and preventing disease, but they
also
 play a crucial role in mental
health
 by alleviating stress, building social skills, and instilling valuable life skills
such
 as discipline and perseverance.
Thus
,
sports
 should be considered a fundamental part of a healthy lifestyle.
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider adding more explicit linking words or phrases between ideas and paragraphs to guide the reader more clearly.
task achievement
Ensure each example clearly illustrates the point you're making; adding more specificity or varied examples could enhance the effectiveness of your argument on mental health.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a well-defined introduction and conclusion, clearly establishing your stance and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses examples and explanations to support the main points, particularly in the discussion of physical health benefits of sports.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging opposing arguments, which strength your position by addressing potential counterarguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical well-being
  • mental well-being
  • regular exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • weight management
  • endorphins
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • team sports
  • social skills
  • friendships
  • teamwork
  • life skills
  • discipline
  • time management
  • perseverance
  • cognitive function
  • concentration
  • academic performance
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