IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Discuss this view and give your own opinion

It's been said by some
people
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 that punishments should be fixed for each crime,
whereas
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 others do not think
likewise
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. The essay will illustrate both sides
as well as
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 my opinion. On the one hand, using fixed sentences for criminals can help reduce crime. As a matter of fact, rape incidents are covering the headlines of the newspapers, and it has become an alarming issue. To illustrate with an example, a 19-year-old Manisha was found dead and raped in the jungle, which was hardly 3 kilometres away from the playschool where she was working as an educator. After the postmortem reports, it was revealed that she had been brutally gang raped, and those
people
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 had taken her organs out. But till
this
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 date, cops can't find the rapers. But in other nations like the UAE, where the rapers are sentenced to death, have fewer rape incidents than in India.
On the other hand
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, the remaining proportion says that the intention and the motivation behind the crime should be taken into consideration.
Crimes
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 like stealing, traffic violations, jaywalking, etc, are not intentional but still count as
crimes
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, so they can be dealt with not
such
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 strong and strict punishments. To exemplify, recently, a Punjabi truck driver took a U-turn in the United States and ended up in an accident where the car was hit by the truck, and three
people
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 sitting in the car lost their lives.
While
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 the car driver had some space to take an action like putting on the brakes or taking a turn but he did not do anything to save himself. The court in Florida is sentencing him to 45 years,
although
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 the driver has not done anything with the wrong motivation. Knowing the intentions before giving punishments can help reduce the intensity of the case. As far as my views are concerned,
crimes
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such
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 as rapes should be allocated with unchangeable sentences(like death), as it can create a sense of fear among the
people
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 and result in fewer assaults. But when it comes to some other
crimes
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, the purpose and the incentive should be considered.
To conclude
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, victims should be served with justice, and strict actions should be taken against serious criminals, as leaving them without any legal action gives them and others the motivation to commit more
crimes
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Work on one idea per paragraph and use clear link words like first, next, also, but. Make sure every sentence fits the main idea.
task response
Explain your view in one strong sentence in the intro, and restate it in the conclusion. Do not drift from the topic.
coherence structure
In each paragraph, start with a topic sentence that says the point you will make. Then add one or two clear reasons or examples.
coherence structure
Use more accurate and close to real life examples that are easy to relate to. Check if the example fits the point.
language quality
Check grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Use short and simple sentences to avoid errors.
language style
Choose more neutral or positive tone when giving examples, and avoid strong or untrue claims.
task response
Your essay has a clear view and you state it in the intro and conclusion.
coherence
You give two sides of the issue and end with your own view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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