Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Having graduated high school, college or university, many teenagers and young adults face an extremely difficult decision of choosing their potential career. Some say it is better to be realistic and pragmatic about your choice,
while
others believe that it is worth pursuing the desired path, regardless of outside circumstances and potential difficulties. From one side, it is absolutely crucial to be level-headed regarding one's future, as setting unrealistic goals can have a detrimental effect on many young people.
For example
, in many cases, a path towards a potential dream job ruins relationships and even builds a sense of resentment within a circle of friends and family.
Moreover
, if reached fail, teenagers tend to choke on their aspirations, which leads to serious mental health problems, like anxiety and depression.
Consequently
, it is advised to take a safe road to eliminate all possible downsides and negative outcomes. On the other side, it can be extremely difficult to give up your dream. If young adults choose to abandon the career they want, they tend to inevitably lose touch with reality, which could harm them even more had they not chosen
this
future.
However
, not only does
this
road give both teenagers and adults something to strive for, but
also
motivation to live.
Furthermore
, In conclusion,
although
I firmly believe, that most people should thoroughly consider their career future, I think they must not give up on their dream. The safest and most realistic path often does not lead to happiness, which is undeniably the purpose of life.
Submitted by smackerprince on

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task achievement
Ensure all points are fully developed; some elements, like the second point in the second body paragraph, were left unfinished.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your response and make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Develop your points further to ensure clear and comprehensive ideas throughout. This includes linking sentences and ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a clearer sense of balance when discussing both viewpoints. Ensuring equal discussion can improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents the two views discussed, which provides a strong starting point.
task achievement
You have included a logical conclusion that offers your opinion, which ties together the discussion well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • skill development
  • market demands
  • financial stability
  • career growth
  • job security
  • income level
  • fulfilling professional life
  • personal happiness
  • career counseling
  • job market trends
  • adaptability
  • work-life balance
  • health implications
  • job automation
  • redundancy
  • emerging technologies
  • stable employment
  • motivated
  • competent
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