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Band 6.5

Many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe grandparents can take care of their children, while others think t=childcare centres are better. discuss both views and give your opinion?

#families #parents #grandparents #care #children #t=childcare #centres
Nowadays, in most families, because of the high cost of living, both
parents
 have to work, and they need a safe place to take care of their
children
. Some people believe that grandparents can look after them,
whereas
 others think kindergarten and childcare centres are better preferences.
This
 essay discusses both opinions and explores the better choice for
such
 families. On the one hand, grandparents watching their own grandchildren is not only beneficial for working
parents
, but
also
 it has some advantages for the elderly.
For example
, struggling with
children
 helps them have a more active life.
On the other hand
, the old
parents
 might not tolerate
children
 and their following problems, and feel disaster when faced with new problems.
Additionally
,
children
 in the early years of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 need to be in an active place,
otherwise
, they face serious problems.
For instance
, when I worked as a teacher in a kindergarten, I met a child who was doing their activity very slowly, after searching about his situation, we found out he lived with their grandparent, and it really had a negative effect on his behaviour. Finding a decent, affordable, and safe childcare centre might seem hard, but it is more beneficial for
children
.
Firstly
, they are able to socialize with other
children
 of the same age, which enhances their social skills.
Secondly
, there are various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
activities that develop
children
's skills,
such
 as music classes, theatre workshops, literacy, and so on.
Finally
,
children
 have the
opportunities
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
show examples
 to enjoy their childhood in a safe, active, healthy and interesting environment. I believe that If both
parents
 have to work, it is crucial to find a good kindergarten, or institute, which not only takes care of their child
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
 teaches them essential skills in a fun and healthy environment. In conclusion,
although
 some working
parents
 prefer to hand over their child to grandparents, finding a centre is more beneficial for their babies.
Submitted by rozakoohvand on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both views on the topic, but make sure to further elaborate the benefits of childcare centres to make your argument more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to use more diverse linking words to smoothly connect the different sections of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You clearly stated both sides of the argument in your introduction, which sets a strong foundation for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Concluding with a strong opinion that reinforces your viewpoint provides clarity and leaves a lasting impression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional bond
  • communication
  • family history
  • flexible
  • fixed hours
  • availability
  • structured environment
  • trained professionals
  • educational development
  • social development
  • planned activities
  • stimulating environment
  • individual attention
  • personalized care
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