some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Today, by developing technology, human life has been influenced by
smartphones
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, especially for
children
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.
This
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trend
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has a crucial rule on
children
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's lifestyles and provides an insight into their personal background as they grow,
however
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, my personal approach toward
this
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is that using
smartphones
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depends on the permission that parents give to
children
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, regarding it's circumstances
such
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as the impact that it takes on the
children
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's mental health or studying. One point which I personally believe is the fact that
smartphones
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can impact the mental health of a
child
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. The way of behaving that a
child
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instructs from the internet can harm, not only the
child
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but
also
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society.
For example
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, In many social media like Instagram and Facebook, every user has a different behaviour that imprints in a
child
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's mind that he or uses in society,though, there are many positive impacts that we can gain from these social media,
for example
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, many accounts in Instagram are trying 24 hours to motivate to success .
Nevertheless
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,
this
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trend
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depends on parents and how they try to control applications
smartphones
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by
children
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, since, they should study and do their homework for school,
in addition
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, phones will influence
children
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's concentration when they are in school and sometimes it will lead to the addicted
child
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to phone. Another positive view, that might be argued which is pivotal is that, they access any sites related to plus 18 subjects and some of the parents do not care about it. In many societies especially Iran, fortunately,
this
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trend
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is banned by the government which can harm
children
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.
For example
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,in poor families that have financial consistency to prepare toys, boys and girls are attracted by these sites,
although
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, they can use many appropriate sites to learn like education and how to cook and any skills. In conclusion, It is right that
smartphones
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have a negative
trend
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which impacts on
child
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's behaviour, but, it can be beneficial by learning new skills like learning a new language.
Submitted by takhtejamshid1400historikal on

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a clear focus in each paragraph. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it are related to this idea.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the essay's structure, clarify the distinction between your main idea and the supplementary details or examples that support it.
task achievement
Work on specific examples to back up your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid repeating information and instead spend more time developing new ideas or exploring the implications of the points you've already made.
task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses why children spend significant time on smartphones, and you also provide a clear opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which are well-connected to the main points discussed.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide a balanced view by acknowledging both positive and negative aspects of smartphone usage among children.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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