IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and methods of preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#convenience #foods #methods #preparation
In recent years, technology and science are progressing rapidly.
This
 includes
food
 processing that helps preserve
food
 for much longer. Some
people
 believe convenient
food
 will replace traditional methods of
food
 preparation. In my opinion, I partially agree on
this
 topic and my reason will
explain
Wrong verb form
be explained
show examples
 in
this
 essay. Nowadays, the lifestyle of
people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 in a hurry and do not have
time
 to make
convenience
food
 or fast
food
 is very popular
due
Change preposition
because
show examples
 to can buy
easily
Correct pronoun usage
it easily
show examples
 and do not waste
time
 cooking.
For example
, when
people
 come home very tired after a long day at work and do not want to
use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 a lot of
time
 preparing a cook.
People
 can buy at supermarkets or order online.
Besides
 some
food
 can
last
 a long
time
 more than 10 days because frozen will keep
food
 from rancid and the price of
convenience
food
 is rather cheap. For a
while
,
home-cook
Correct your spelling
home
show examples
requires
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
 a lot of
food
 ingredients so it was more expensive. Which makes some
people
 not want to spend too much money.
However
, if you eat
convenience
food
 too much it may cause negative effects on the body.
For example
, the risk of not getting enough nutrients
due to
 most fast
food
 having powder as the main ingredient, fast
food
 often has oil, cheese, and butter,
as a result
, has
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fat risk of obesity and heart disease
wheres
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 It has high sodium, which can make you swell. In conclusion, it can be seen that the advantage of
convenience
food
 is the cheap price,
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
be made
show examples
 easily and quickly. But I think it can not replace traditional
food
 because there are very few nutrients in the
food
. which if eaten in large quantities, may cause disease.
Submitted by theejuta.b on

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Task Achievement
Enhance your task response by ensuring a complete response to all parts of the task. For instance, discuss the traditional food preparation aspect more explicitly.
Task Achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Ensure each idea is fully developed with clear explanations and examples.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples to support your ideas. Specific instances or statistics could enrich your arguments and provide better illustration.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly and ideas are organized systematically.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide more cohesion between your points. Linking words and phrases can help in connecting sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay effectively includes an introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining your stance and summarizing your main points.
Task Achievement
You have identified key aspects of the issue such as the convenience and potential health risks of processed foods.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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