IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and methods of preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#convenience #foods #methods #preparation
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In recent years, technology and science are progressing rapidly.
This
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 includes
food
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 processing that helps preserve
food
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 for much longer. Some
people
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 believe convenient
food
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 will replace traditional methods of
food
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 preparation. In my opinion, I partially agree on
this
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 topic and my reason will
explain
Wrong verb form
be explained
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 in
this
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 essay. Nowadays, the lifestyle of
people
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 in a hurry and do not have
time
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 to make
convenience
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food
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 or fast
food
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 is very popular
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due
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because
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 to can buy
easily
Correct pronoun usage
it easily
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 and do not waste
time
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 cooking.
For example
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, when
people
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 come home very tired after a long day at work and do not want to
use
Verb problem
spend
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 a lot of
time
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 preparing a cook.
People
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 can buy at supermarkets or order online.
Besides
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 some
food
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 can
last
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 a long
time
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 more than 10 days because frozen will keep
food
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 from rancid and the price of
convenience
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food
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 is rather cheap. For a
while
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,
home-cook
Correct your spelling
home
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requires
Wrong verb form
required
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 a lot of
food
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 ingredients so it was more expensive. Which makes some
people
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 not want to spend too much money.
However
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, if you eat
convenience
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food
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 too much it may cause negative effects on the body.
For example
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, the risk of not getting enough nutrients
due to
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 most fast
food
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 having powder as the main ingredient, fast
food
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 often has oil, cheese, and butter,
as a result
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, has
high
Correct article usage
a high
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in
Change preposition
apply
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fat risk of obesity and heart disease
wheres
Correct your spelling
where
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 It has high sodium, which can make you swell. In conclusion, it can be seen that the advantage of
convenience
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food
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 is the cheap price,
can
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and can
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make
Wrong verb form
be made
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 easily and quickly. But I think it can not replace traditional
food
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 because there are very few nutrients in the
food
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. which if eaten in large quantities, may cause disease.
Submitted by theejuta.b on

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Task Achievement
Enhance your task response by ensuring a complete response to all parts of the task. For instance, discuss the traditional food preparation aspect more explicitly.
Task Achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Ensure each idea is fully developed with clear explanations and examples.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples to support your ideas. Specific instances or statistics could enrich your arguments and provide better illustration.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly and ideas are organized systematically.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide more cohesion between your points. Linking words and phrases can help in connecting sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay effectively includes an introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining your stance and summarizing your main points.
Task Achievement
You have identified key aspects of the issue such as the convenience and potential health risks of processed foods.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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