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Band 4

In the furture, buses, cars and trucks will be driveless. The only people travelling inside will be passengers. Do you think tha advantages driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

#furture #buses #cars #trucks #driveless #people #passengers #tha #driverless #vehicles
It is true that,
due to
 the development of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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, we will be driving
cars
 with no drivers in the future.
Whereas
 there are a couple of advantages of driverless vehicles, I still believe that there are more drawbacks than benefits. I think we can expect two good sides of
cars
 without drivers in terms of driving under
influence
Correct article usage
the influence
show examples
 and
also
 speeding.
First,
less
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fewer
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 people will drive under
influence
Correct article usage
the influence
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. Simply, since there is no one in the
drivers'
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driver's
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seats
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seat
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, we can expect it to decrease almost to zero.
Additionally
, we might be able to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
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 the number of accidents by speeding because it will slow down automatically. Especially, in places
such
 as
children
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children's
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 safe areas or
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
protect
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protection
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 areas.
However
, it is important to consider moral issues. The most controversial opinion about
this
 new phenomenon is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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who we are going to blame. Imagine that a car hit a person by a wrong decision. Who's fault would it be? The car company, The person who made the software system, or the car owner? It isn't yet defined clearly and can give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society more confusion.
Also
, even when we use our small electronic devices like phones and laptops, we experience
unconvinient
Correct your spelling
inconvenient
convenient
 errors or situations.
Therefore
,
cars
 operated by computers can make mistakes as well. In conclusion, I don't think the advantages of driverless
cars
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
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 the disadvantages. There are still questionable things
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
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 and It is very crucial for companies to make sure their software works properly.
Submitted by dob.jeong on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets out your position and provides a basis for your essay. However, the ideas in the body paragraphs can be further expanded with additional supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between sentences to enhance the flow of ideas. Making sure each paragraph logically leads into the next would improve coherence.
task achievement
Include more in-depth examples or statistics to bolster your arguments. Concrete evidences can enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion encapsulate your main argument effectively, clearly stating your stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, reflecting an understanding of the complexities involved in the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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