Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place

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Nowadays, there is a popular trend around married

couples

Use synonyms

around globalization that they tend to enjoy time with their lover rather than build

family

Add an article

a family

show examples

with

a lovely children

Correct the article-noun agreement

lovely children

a lovely child

show examples

. In my observation, there are several reasons why decided to choose

this

Linking Words

kind of lifestyle. First of all,

couples

Use synonyms

might consider the necessity of

upbringing

Verb problem

raising

show examples

child

Use synonyms

as a disadvantage because of time-consuming and economic status. I believe that taking care of babies is a tough mission for everyone, especially for women. It is torture to overcome the pregnancy period of around nine months.

This

Linking Words

shows women need to stay at home to prevent taking risks outside. In

this

Linking Words

case, women lived under supervision by their parents who could not do something or even work.

Moreover

Linking Words

, as their partner, males need to be aware of their wife's conditions and to do more jobs on working and at home.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, after childbirth,

couples

Use synonyms

take the responsibility to look after babies,

such

Linking Words

as in education, cooking, and playing. Married

couples

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need to put a lot of energy and time into cultivating their

child

Use synonyms

growing up.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the advantage for most married

couples

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who want to have a

child

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

family bonding.

Couples

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who lived in a joyful and peaceful living background may influence their thought on

duty

Correct article usage

the duty

show examples

to have a baby.

In addition

Linking Words

, they

also

Linking Words

enjoy living in a big family which is full of happiness and fulfilment.

Therefore

Linking Words

, some

couples

Use synonyms

want to have 2-3 children or even more, which can stay together rather than living alone in the future. Sometimes, as a parent, they are pleased to see their

child

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grow to become a wonderful adult. It is a way to indicate married

couples

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love to raise children in the right way. So, I am sure that having a baby in their family will bring a lot of fun and unforgettable experiences in their life. In conclusion, It seems there are benefits and drawbacks both appear in the circumstance of having a

child

Use synonyms

. No matter whether you agree or disagree with

this

Linking Words

opinion, you should be a sailor to control your life direction.

Submitted by huangjiali617 on Sat Nov 09 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Improve the logical flow of the essay by organizing thoughts more clearly. Consider outlining your main points before writing to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.

Task Achievement

While you have provided some good points, ensure that each point is fully supported with detailed examples or explanations. Try to elaborate further on each idea for better clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your overall argument.

Task Achievement

You presented a clear perspective on the topic and related it to contemporary issues, which makes your response relevant and engaging.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

352 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

good members of society
teach
parents
schools
responsibility
values
respect
empathy
responsibility
formal education
citizenship
ethics
social responsibility
lead by example
role models
conducive environment
extracurricular activities
community involvement
collaborate
holistic approach

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Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

n some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pays for them. Do you think the advantages that the government pays the money outweigh the disadvantages?

IELTS Students aren't scoring as high as desired. Teachers believed assigning homework to help would be a solution, but student's don't complete the work. How can IELTS instructors successfully address these issues.

large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promption and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. what problems does this cause? what could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years virtual tourism including virtual reality tours, 360 videos has emerged as an alternative form of traveling reshaping the way people explore destinations and connect with cultural heritage from afar. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?