IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people are of the view that authorities need to prioritise public
services
Use synonyms
 rather than allocating resources to arts like music and painting. I believe that
art
Use synonyms
 is essential to highlight culture and heritage. On the one hand, public
services
Use synonyms
, namely infrastructure, education, and health, are essential to any society.
First,
Linking Words
infrastructure like roads enables access to markets. In
this
Linking Words
 way, goods can be transported easily.
Next,
Linking Words
education makes it possible to get knowledge and provides state-of-the-
art
Use synonyms
 goods and
services
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, better health care facilities play an inevitable role in the
overall
Linking Words
 health of the public.
For instance
Linking Words
, Pakistan in the 2024-25 annual budget allocated 30 billion dollars for road infrastructure to connect remote areas to main markets. In
this
Linking Words
 way, thousands of jobs are expected for people living in remote areas, which will improve the economic conditions for
underprivileged
Correct article usage
the underprivileged
show examples
 class.
Hence
Linking Words
,
undoubtedly
Punctuation problem
undoubtedly,
show examples
 public service spending is crucial for uplifting society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
art
Use synonyms
 is way more important for the following reasons.
First,
Linking Words
it is a source of sharing culture and heritage worldwide.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
art
Use synonyms
 gallery at Lahore Fort
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 provides information about the Mughal Era.
Second,
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
 is a great recreational activity. People in their lives prefer different
art
Use synonyms
 forms to entertain them, which helps them to curb stress, anxiety, and depression. In India and Pakistan, The Great Kapil Sharma Show has a huge fan following because of its comic content. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 public
services
Use synonyms
 are inevitable for the growth of society,
art
Use synonyms
 must not be overlooked.
Art
Use synonyms
 depicts the cultural heritage and amuses the general public at large.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link each paragraph to your main idea. Use transitions more to guide the reader.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points. This will strengthen your ideas and show more depth in your argument.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion and have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows balanced thinking.
task achievement
The examples provided help illustrate your points, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: