IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists and not local people.Why is this the case?What can be done to attract local people?

#museums #sites #tourists #people #case
One of the most significant concerns today is that more tourists visit historical attractions and museums than the local people do. In the following paragraphs, causes leading to
this
 phenomenon will be discussed and possible solutions to
this
 trend will
also
 be presented.
To begin
 with, there are predominant reasons resulting
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 problem. First of all, history lessons are mostly boring and do not usually catch student’s interest. The more theoretical and impractical those lectures are, the less youngsters are likely to pay attention to their country’s history. Another thing that leads to
this
 is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 people have to pay costly entrance fees despite the sites remaining unchanged over the decades. Discounts are offered only during special occasions,
while
 there are no changes or developments made.
Therefore
, the locals might be under the impression that they have known enough information about their hometown.
However
, there are particular measurements that can be adopted in order not to worsen
this
 scenario. By far the most obvious one is that the governments can encourage residents to visit these sites by requiring free of charge for children and
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
Secondly
, schools can promote
this
 by creating trips and extracurricular events going to museums and historical places.
As a result
, there will be a combination between learning and observing the value and art. In conclusion, the tendency of tourists
visiting
Change the verb form
to visit
show examples
 historical sites has happened
as a result
 of the aforementioned reasons.
Nevertheless
, it is a pressing need that solutions should be put into practice to entice domestic visitors.
Submitted by n.thach.tu.a2 on

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task achievement
Include specific examples or evidence to support your points, such as statistical data or historical references.
task achievement
Although your ideas are clear, try to make your sentences more varied and complex to enhance comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent formal tone throughout your essay, as some sections are slightly informal.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, discussion, and conclusion.
task achievement
The problem and solutions to attract local visitors are well outlined, addressing the task effectively.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are arranged logically, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • tourist attractions
  • interactive exhibits
  • perception
  • civic pride
  • engagement
  • community outreach
  • curate
  • cultural institutions
  • historical significance
  • sustainable tourism
  • resident benefits
  • local patronage
  • preserve
  • educational initiatives
What to do next:
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