IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are differing views regarding
competition
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 and cooperation. I believe the
the
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apply
show examples
former approach is better because it forces
people
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 to improve. Some
people
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 prefer cooperation to
competition
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 because it allows the division of
work
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 based on skills. Take,
for example
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, the case of a team of nuclear engineering students working on designing a nuclear reactor. In order to do
this
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 task, problems related to different fields of engineering must be solved, which is often too hard for a single individual. When there is a team involved,
however
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,
this
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 massive workload can be divided between members based on their area of expertise.
This
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 is not possible through
competition
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 as an individual has to do all the
work
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 themselves, taking on a lot of burden in the process.
However
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, I think that if the workload is divided in
this
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 way,
people
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 will have difficulty learning skills they do not possess as they will always be forced to only
work
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 on things they are familiar with.
On the other hand
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,
competition
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 compels an individual to do better. Consider the case of
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 Entrance Exam Test that takes place in India each year, where students compete for a very limited number of seats available at public universities. The
competition
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 that students who partake in
this
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 exam face forces them to study harder which, in turn, makes them better at the subjects they are taking tests on. The situation is similar at
workplace
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the workplace
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, where the race for promotion encourages employees to do better at their jobs than their colleagues.
Also
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, in daily life,
people
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 try to make more money than others to get better standing in society. I agree with
this
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 argument because the heat of
competition
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 encourages personal growth in individuals, which helps them in all aspects of life. In conclusion,
while
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 cooperation enables
division
Correct article usage
the division
show examples
 of
work
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 with others
according to
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 their expertise, I believe it is more important to focus on
competition
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 as it forces a person to make progress.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide your reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitions to connect paragraphs better. For example, 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Finally' can help show the order of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Add a few more examples to support your points, especially in the section on cooperation to balance your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay takes a clear position, stating a preference for competition, which is good for task achievement.
Task Achievement
The examples provided, such as the university entrance exam and team projects, are relevant and help illustrate your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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