Nowadays techonology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#techonology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development

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People

belives

Verb problem

believe

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that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

techology

Correct your spelling

technology

Verb problem

has

show examples

been

increase

Wrong verb form

increasing

show examples

very

fastly

Rephrase

fast

show examples

and tracking

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

cellphones and security

cemeras

Correct your spelling

cameras

without

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

permission and they are not aware

about

Change preposition

that

show examples

the trapping by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology

beign

Correct your spelling

being

faced

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

normal

human

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humans

show examples

Firstly

, I

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

technology

is been tracking the cellphone of the

person

which is not in a

faverable

Correct your spelling

favourable

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for

show examples

the human as they are not aware that their phone

are

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show examples

beign

Correct your spelling

being

trapped and the

techology

Correct your spelling

technology

has

beign

Correct your spelling

been

increased so much that

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

can listen to the

person

all the

discussion

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discussions

show examples

without

there

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their

show examples

approvals

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approval

show examples

and

due to

this

technology

there are many

frods

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foods

frauds

and scam is hepping in the market. there are

everyday

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every day

show examples

the

cased

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cases

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are

beign

Correct your spelling

being

reported. And there are security cameras where people can

seen

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see

show examples

you doing everything in their personal life.

Secondly

, if you

seen

Add a missing verb

have seen

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

techology

Correct your spelling

technology

is providing all the information

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

our nation

were

Wrong verb form

show examples

as if you

seen

Add the auxiliary verb

saw

have seen

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pervious we

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

cannot even find the way to go there the

person

has to go but

due to

the increasing of

technology

Add a comma

technology,

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person

can do anything without going

anywher

Correct your spelling

anywhere

if can find out any information. The

technoloy

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technology

is helping or

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

to get the details of the

person

whoever they want they can find the criminals and keep

the

Correct article usage

show examples

eye on them.

Inconclution

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In conclusion

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belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

we should stop

this

persmision

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permission

the

technology

where they can track

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our

show examples

daliy

Correct your spelling

daily

lives. it can only be permission for using on the

person

the

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

whant

Correct your spelling

want

pusmmison should be limited the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

only.

Submitted by sagarsuthar0502 on Mon Nov 11 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on paragraph structure and use linking words to better connect your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces its main idea.

task achievement

Expand your explanation of advantages and disadvantages with more detail and examples.

task achievement

Review your main points to ensure they are fully supported with specific, relevant examples.

task achievement

The essay attempts to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of technology monitoring.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
54
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

254 words

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