Nowadays techonology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

People
belives
Verb problem
believe
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
is
Verb problem
has
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been
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
very
fastly
Rephrase
fast
show examples
and tracking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cellphones and security
cemeras
Correct your spelling
cameras
without
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
permission and they are not aware
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
the trapping by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
is
beign
Correct your spelling
being
faced
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
Firstly
, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
technology
is been tracking the cellphone of the
person
which is not in a
faverable
Correct your spelling
favourable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the human as they are not aware that their phone
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
beign
Correct your spelling
being
trapped and the
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
has
beign
Correct your spelling
been
increased so much that
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
can listen to the
person
all the
discussion
Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
show examples
without
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
approvals
Fix the agreement mistake
approval
show examples
and
due to
this
technology
there are many
frods
Correct your spelling
foods
frauds
and scam is hepping in the market. there are
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
the
cased
Replace the word
cases
show examples
are
beign
Correct your spelling
being
reported. And there are security cameras where people can
seen
Change the verb form
see
show examples
you doing everything in their personal life.
Secondly
, if you
seen
Add a missing verb
have seen
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
is providing all the information
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
our nation
were
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
as if you
seen
Add the auxiliary verb
saw
have seen
show examples
pervious we
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
cannot even find the way to go there the
person
has to go but
due to
the increasing of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
a
person
can do anything without going
anywher
Correct your spelling
anywhere
if can find out any information. The
technoloy
Correct your spelling
technology
is helping or
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
to get the details of the
person
whoever they want they can find the criminals and keep
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
eye on them.
Inconclution
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
we should stop
this
persmision
Correct your spelling
permission
the
technology
where they can track
or
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
daliy
Correct your spelling
daily
lives. it can only be permission for using on the
person
the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
whant
Correct your spelling
want
pusmmison should be limited the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
only.
Submitted by sagarsuthar0502 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure and use linking words to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces its main idea.
task achievement
Expand your explanation of advantages and disadvantages with more detail and examples.
task achievement
Review your main points to ensure they are fully supported with specific, relevant examples.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of technology monitoring.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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