IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that children are having too much free time and this time should be used to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement

#people #children #time #study
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Many individuals argue that
children
 spend many hours in their free
time
 and that
this
time
 should be used to study more.
However
, I don't totally agree with
this
 statement.
Children
 of
this
 age have a lot of energy, so they must enjoy their leisure
time
, but at the same
time
, study is important for them. On the one hand, having too much free
time
 for
children
 can be a good thing, as they can play games that increase their IQ level
such
 as chess,
also
 they can spend quality
time
 with their friends and family.
Moreover
, it can have several disadvantages, especially in recent decades as we use mobile phones and iPads, so
children
 could spend many hours on them, and that can affect them in a bad way.
For example
, many researchers illustrated that using digital devices for many hours can have an effect badly in the brain and cause a lot of mental issues, especially for
children
.
On the other hand
, making
children
 spend all their
time
 studying can enhance their education level, improve their knowledge, and have the highest degrees.
Therefore
, it can have a negative impact on them, they could get bored from studying in the future,
also
 they could not spend a lot of
time
 with friends,
thus
 could effect badly on their social lives. In conclusion, having free
time
 is good for
children
 and can improve their personalities.
Also
, spending
time
 studying can enhance their degrees.
As a result
, the perfect solution is to limit
time
 for both so young people can enjoy their
time
 and study.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by presenting a balanced view on the topic, discussing both the importance of free time and the significance of study. However, try to strengthen the arguments with more concrete examples and evidence to enhance support for your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, improving transitions between ideas and paragraphs can enhance the flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are more explicitly connected to maintain coherence and encourage the reader to follow the argument easily.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded perspective, acknowledging both sides of the argument regarding children's free time and study.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear position and summarizing the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental effects
  • mental well-being
  • life skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • physical development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • unstructured play
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • fatigue
  • motivation
  • quality over quantity
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • well-rounded personality
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