IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Having police officers patrolling the streets is often considered an essential way to to reduce crime. How effective do you think police street patrolling are?. What other ways to reduce crime can you purpose?

#police #officers #streets #crime #street #purpose
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Increasing
crime
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 is not only scaring people but is
also
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 a concerning issue for authorities,
therefore
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, it is thought that the presence of
police
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 might assist in lessening
crime
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 on the streets. I believe that officer patrolling can be effective in
this
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 matter and I
also
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 mention some more ways to tackle
this
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 obstacle in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the visibility of
police
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officers
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 can deter potential
criminals
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 from committing crimes
due to
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 the fear of immediate apprehension.
In other words
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,
criminals
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 would think twice to hurt people if every street is monitored by
officers
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.
For instance
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, 60% of
crime
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 would be reduced if
this
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 initiative action is taken by the
police
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 department as
officers
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 do not have to drive to the
crime
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 scene, they could directly catch the thief on the spot,
hence
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,
criminals
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 would
also
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 avoid doing that
due to
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 the fear of
police
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.
Consequently
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, there are higher chances of mitigating the
crime
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. Considering towards other ways of dragging down
crime
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 are putting some cameras on the streets and the involvement of the government.
Firstly
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, security cameras should be installed on all streets as if some people try to do something illegal
then
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 they can be monitored by them and
police
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 can get some proof with the help of these security services and arrest those wrongdoing individuals.
Secondly
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,
this
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 issue
also
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 requires the intervention of the government because it can implement some strict measures to reduce
crime
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 and,
consequently
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, it might create fear among those who involve themselves in these activities. In conclusion,
although
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police
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officers
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 can protect the public from
criminals
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 through their presence other initiatives
such
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 as implementing camera laws can
also
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 help to protect societies and
police
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 departments in sophisticated situations to get proof towards offenders.
Also
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, the government's involvement can
also
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 lessen
this
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 problem.
Submitted by maninderdeep on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with clear paragraphs, each having a central idea that ties back to the overall topic. Some parts of the essay veered off slightly from the expected structure, but the introduction and conclusion were well executed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consistently support your main points with relevant details or examples. While the main points were supported, make sure your examples are specific and elaborated sufficiently to enhance the argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly responds to the question with a clear opinion and relevant, developed arguments. The response was generally accurate, but additional detail and development of ideas would raise this score.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to convey precise meanings and avoid repetition. While the main ideas were generally clear, expanding your lexical resource and utilizing a variety of complex structures could improve clarity and the conveyance of comprehensive ideas.
Task Achievement
Include specific and relevant examples to support your points. While you provided some examples, they could be further elaborated on and should be directly related to the prompt to substantiate your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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