IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Both men and woman care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is true that both females and males become more conscious of their looks than in the past. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 view since they are required to look better from both personal and social perspectives. On the one hand, there is still a wide range of
people
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 who don'
t
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 care about their
appearance
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 and personal image.
Firstly
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, workers in some industries are usually busy with their endless
work
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 and
thus
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 don'
t
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 have enough
time
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 to go shopping or dress up.
For example
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,
people
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 from some fields, like engineering, doctors and nurses, are confronted with complicated and excessive tasks and don'
t
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 have free
time
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.
Secondly
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, there is no need or occasion for certain
people
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 to have an outstanding
appearance
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.
For instance
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, cleaners and car-fix workers, who
work
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 in a dirty and casual environment, don'
t
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 have to dress in beautiful
clothes
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 because they are more likely to make them dirty.
Therefore
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,
people
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 wear casual
clothes
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 because of their busy schedules and
work
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 environment. Regardless of the arguments I mentioned above, I completely consider that an increasing number of humans now pay more attention to their
appearance
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 than before. The primary reason is that they have enough budgets to support them with abundant
clothes
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 and accessories like watches, rings and necklaces. Both men and women are more likely to spend money and a certain
time
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 choosing their
clothes
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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 nowadays foster a sense of aesthetic appreciation and
thus
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 have their own styles of
clothes
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. Artists and journalists possibly want to show their images through their ways of dressing themselves.
Thirdly
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, there are more formal and meaningful ceremonies for
people
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 to attend, which means a growing demand for
people
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 to pay attention to their
appearance
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. In conclusion,
while
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 there are still a lot of
people
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 who don'
t
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 care about their
appearance
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 because of their limited
time
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 and
work
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 environment, more
people
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 are conscious of having a beautiful look.

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with adequate development and examples to support your points.
task achievement
You should aim to develop your ideas more fully with a greater range of support, including explanations and specific, relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the task question to guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Create more cohesive devices within and between paragraphs to link ideas clearly and coherently.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • beauty and personal care industry
  • societal norms
  • health and fitness
  • celebrity culture
  • technology advancements
  • cosmetic surgery
  • dermatology treatments
  • mental health awareness
  • self-esteem
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