Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
A part of
children
pay much attention and time on their smartphones
. There is an ongoing debate about what reasons cause this
phenomenon and whether it is a positive development
. In this
essay, I argue that this
is a negative development
. Furthermore
, a lack of parenting makes children
overuse smartphones
.
Children
overuse smartphones
because of a lack of parenting. It's well known that smartphones
have been an essential part of our lives, which also
can be easily touched by children
. A number of parents do not realize the downside of overusing smartphones
, so they give their smartphones
to their children
to use without any restriction
. In Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
this
condition, children
are able to watch videos or play games on smartphones
for a long time instinctively, because of a lack of restriction. They can use the smartphones
at any time. Hence
, if people do not realize the influence of children
using smartphones
and guide them appropriately, they will keep the same method to educate their children
.
As for the
Correct article usage
apply
development
, if we let our children
use smartphones
whenever they want, this
will be harmful to them. For example
, it's well known that watching a phone screen for too long will hurt people's eyes, possibly causing illness. Regarding children
being unable to fully understand this
health caution, they will ignore it and obsess with watching the
smartphone. Change the word
their
Additionally
, if children
watch too many short videos on smartphones
, like those on TikTok, it will make it hard for children
to concentrate on one thing.
In conclusion, without enough parenting, children
will obsess with
Change preposition
over
smartphones
easily. And this
will cause negative development
, bringing physical harm to them.Submitted by universe.edge on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph supports a single main idea and all points within the paragraph relate to this central argument. This will help increase clarity and strengthen the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to structure the essay clearly with a more detailed introduction explaining both parts of the question, and ensure the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or evidence to substantiate your arguments. For instance, mention specific studies or statistics that highlight the impact of smartphone usage on children's development.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases effectively to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring the essay reads smoothly and logically from beginning to end.
task achievement
Ensure that every point made directly addresses the essay prompt, keeping the discussion centered on 'why this is the case' and 'whether it's a negative development'.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a position on the issue, which is maintained throughout the response. This shows good task achievement.
task achievement
You identify a relevant cause of the phenomenon—lack of parenting—and discuss it consistently throughout the essay.
task achievement
There is a focus on the potential negative effects of smartphone overuse, such as harm to eyesight and concentration, which is relevant to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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