IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

A prisoner should stay in their cell every day of his/her sentence. That is what justice means. Do you agree with this statement or believe that prisoners could do something more constructive with their time, such as voluntary work?

#prisoner #cell #sentence #justice #prisoners #time #work
There are many who believe that an inmate should spend their prison life locked away in their cells as a form of justification. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why I disagree with
this
 statement and form a conclusion. On the one hand, prison is a form of punishment and should maintain strict guidelines. People are primarily sent to
such
 an institution because they have committed a heinous crime and do not deserve the luxuries of the outside world.
Therefore
, it seems fair that they should be contained within one cell for the rest of their days.
This
 action will hopefully encourage reflection, guilt and insight into what they did wrong.
Although
,
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 it will never amass to the injustice they have committed, it can bring a sense of relief to the victim’s family knowing that they are being punished for what they did.
For example
, a drunk driver who killed a child whilst speeding
,
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 deserves to be in isolation for the rest of his sentence.
This
 is because
,
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 not only did he display reckless behaviour but
also
 ended an innocent child’s life.
On the other hand
,voluntary work should be an essential routine in
this
 facility. Giving back to the community will promote feelings of fulfilment, happiness and a sense of pride.
Furthermore
, it will encourage a sense of duty and make it easier for them to blend back into society once they are released.
Additionally
, these acts of service will conjure up feelings of remorse and guilt and discourage
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
show examples
 performing
such
 atrocities again.
For instance
, every weekend if they volunteer to pick up the garbage from the city’s streets,
this
 will cause them to better themselves and incorporate good habits they can use outside of jail. In conclusion, it is advisable that prisoners are put to work whilst in
such
 a facility, as
this
 will automatically encourage them to improve themselves.
Submitted by abeera2012 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Paragraphs should be organized in a way that each one flows naturally to the next, leading the reader through your argument cohesively. Your essay demonstrated some organization but can be improved by creating stronger connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were present but could be strengthened. In the introduction, clearly state your position on the topic to provide a roadmap for your argument. Your conclusion should effectively summarize the main points discussed and reiterate the stance you've taken.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with well-developed arguments. While you did include some support for your ideas, further elaboration and depth are needed to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument. Including more detailed examples and explanations can help achieve this.
task achievement
To fully address the task, it is essential that you respond to all parts of the prompt. Make sure to develop a clear response to the topic, showcasing comprehension and a comprehensive treatment of the issue. Avoid peripheral content that may not directly contribute to the task at hand.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in presenting your ideas. Aim for comprehensive development of your arguments through precise and pertinent information, rather than generic statements. This will add greater weight to your essay and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. While you included an example, more detailed and varied illustrations could lend more credibility and clarity to your arguments. This will show the extent of your understanding and the ability to apply it practically.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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