IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that studing at university or college is the best rout so sussessful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some individuals argue that the best
way
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 to succeed in
one
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's professional
life
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 is by attending colleges and universities.
In contrast
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, others think it is more practical to find a
job
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 immediately after finishing
school
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. I would side with the latter group, and in the following essay, I will explain my reasons. Proponents of participating in academic centres see it as the only
way
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 to be skilled at a
job
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, and able to manage a flourishing vocational
life
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. To illustrate, no
one
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 can be a doctor if they are not educated as medical
students
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, and do not have the required degree to prove
one
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 is given the certificate and qualification needed to cure the sick.
Thus
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, they see universities as doors to a thriving career
life
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.
Conversely
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, the second group thinks there are many other ways to succeed than forcing
students
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 to continue their studies after
school
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, and it is advisable to acquire a
job
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 straight after
school
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 since individuals have more potential when young, and
as a result
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, can progress, and be more skilled when they commence their professional
life
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 earlier. It is proved that the youth take risks more easily, and are less worried about the consequences.
Due to
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this
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, they can pass a period of trial and error, resulting in a more reliable workforce than the ones who rely on what is written in books and are scared of making mistakes.
For instance
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, generally, young
students
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 who have had the chance to work in repair shops have made better mechanics than university
students
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 who studied books on different kinds of machinery without seeing or touching a single piece of these devices. So, gaining
this
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 experiment can lead to thriving at work, and
also
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 enjoying what
one
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 does at their
jobs
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. I believe having the chance to get a
job
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 related to the career an individual is going to lead for the rest of their
life
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 is the most beneficial aspect that can bring about more professional staff. If people know what their future occupation includes, and choose to do it, they will definitely be looking forward to their
jobs
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, and
consequently
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, they will do their
jobs
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 in a much better
way
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.
However
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, there are some particular
jobs
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 that are impossible to do without being educated in colleges and universities like vocations related to people's treatment. In conclusion, if specific professions are put aside, the most flourishing
way
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 that can lead to having efficient staff and workforce is by starting a
job
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 immediately after
school
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, and
then
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 studying a field related to it at educational centres.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure all points are consistently tied back to the main argument for stronger coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors by proofreading the essay.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your arguments by providing more specific examples and evidence, especially for the university education side.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clear structure with a balanced examination of both views, followed by your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Logical progression from the introduction through to the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Demonstrates an understanding of the topic with insights into both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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