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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of films produced by five countries in three years.

The graph below shows the number of films produced by five countries in three years.
#films #five #countries #three #years
The bar chart shows the
number
 of
films
 produced by five different nations over three consecutive years
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2007 to 2009.
Overall
, it is clearly observed that
country
 A produced the most,
whereas
 that of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three countries C, D and E were relatively low.
However
, it is
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 to note that the
number
films
Change preposition
of films
show examples
 made
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
country
 E
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 relatively the same throughout the given time frame.
To begin
 with, a closer look at the chart can
be seen
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 that
while
 trend of
number
 of
films
 produced in
country
 A underwent a downward trend, that of in
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 B and C were on the rise even if there had fewer media. In comparison between
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and B, it is noticeable that both
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 maintain the same
number
 of
films
 during the first two years at roughly 80 and 50, respectively. In 2009,
while
country
 A dropped to just over 75, that of
country
 B
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off to roughly 70
films
.
Moreover
,
films
 produced in
country
 D
were fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
have fluctuated
show examples
 with
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
dropped
Replace the word
drop
show examples
 in 2008 before
bounce
Change the verb form
bouncing
show examples
 back to the same figure at roughly 20
films
.
Hence
,
country
 E remained constant at 10
films
.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, films, country with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.
▼

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