There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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In today's world, academic achievements are considered essential for the young generation.

Consequently

Linking Words

, some individuals claim that practical

subjects

Use synonyms

should be omitted from schools' educational plans,

hence

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, that kids can concentrate on academic ones. I totally disagree with

this

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argument. In terms of the upsides of practical

skills

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, the importance of these

skills

Use synonyms

in adulthood is undeniable. Needless to say, the

future

Use synonyms

lives of

children

Use synonyms

will be surrounded by more practical imperatives. In fact, if non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

are neglected and the burden on academic

subjects

Use synonyms

increases, the intense negative impact on

children

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future

Use synonyms

will be considerable and they will not be able to live in society.

For example

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, they cannot cook for themselves because they were not prepared for it.

Furthermore

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this

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can make them more dependent on others.

In addition

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to academic intelligence, there are other intelligences

such

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as social intelligence. Indeed, most of the non-academic

skills

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as communication, can improve the social IQ of kids.

In other words

Linking Words

, if the main focus of

children

Use synonyms

's educational system is on academic

skills

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, other imperatives for their independent living will be neglected.

For instance

Linking Words

, we might find a scientist who cannot communicate with others.

Moreover

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, educational

subjects

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are always hard to deal with, and it is hard for

children

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to feel educational

subjects

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omnipresent in their lives, so, they can get refreshment by practising soft

skills

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while

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preparing for the

future

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. In conclusion, I believe that non-academic

skills

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are more important for the

future

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of kids,

hence

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, their removal from the educational schedule should not be assumed.

Submitted by ali on Tue Feb 13 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your score, consider integrating more specific examples to support your arguments. While your essay excels in presenting clear, comprehensive ideas, incorporating detailed instances from real life or hypothetical scenarios can enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your response.

Coherence & Cohesion

Focus on enhancing the cohesion of your essay by varying your linking expressions. Although your essay has a logical structure, using a wider range of transitions can better signal relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow.

Coherence & Cohesion

To further your coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is directly supported by subsequent sentences. At times, the essay can benefit from more explicit connections to the central thesis, reinforcing the relevance of each argument to your overall stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

257 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. 1. Why do some people work harder? 2. Is it always a good thing to work hard?

Some people sat that it is a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and/or weekends. Other people think it is important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.