There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's world, academic achievements are considered essential for the young generation.
Consequently
, some individuals claim that practical
subjects
should be omitted from schools' educational plans,
hence
, that kids can concentrate on academic ones. I totally disagree with
this
argument. In terms of the upsides of practical
skills
, the importance of these
skills
in adulthood is undeniable. Needless to say, the
future
lives of
children
will be surrounded by more practical imperatives. In fact, if non-academic
subjects
are neglected and the burden on academic
subjects
increases, the intense negative impact on
children
's
future
will be considerable and they will not be able to live in society.
For example
, they cannot cook for themselves because they were not prepared for it.
Furthermore
,
this
can make them more dependent on others.
In addition
to academic intelligence, there are other intelligences
such
as social intelligence. Indeed, most of the non-academic
skills
,
such
as communication, can improve the social IQ of kids.
In other words
, if the main focus of
children
's educational system is on academic
skills
, other imperatives for their independent living will be neglected.
For instance
, we might find a scientist who cannot communicate with others.
Moreover
, educational
subjects
are always hard to deal with, and it is hard for
children
to feel educational
subjects
omnipresent in their lives, so, they can get refreshment by practising soft
skills
while
preparing for the
future
. In conclusion, I believe that non-academic
skills
are more important for the
future
of kids,
hence
, their removal from the educational schedule should not be assumed.
Submitted by ali on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score, consider integrating more specific examples to support your arguments. While your essay excels in presenting clear, comprehensive ideas, incorporating detailed instances from real life or hypothetical scenarios can enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on enhancing the cohesion of your essay by varying your linking expressions. Although your essay has a logical structure, using a wider range of transitions can better signal relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further your coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is directly supported by subsequent sentences. At times, the essay can benefit from more explicit connections to the central thesis, reinforcing the relevance of each argument to your overall stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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